The Grief that White Americans Can’t Share

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By Nikole Hannah-Jones

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The last thing I thought about when I closed my eyes that Wednesday night, July 6, was the bullet tearing into the flesh of Alton Sterling as he lay pinned to the ground beneath two Baton Rouge police officers. I couldn’t get Mr. Sterling’s face out of my head — his chestnut skin and gold teeth reminding me of my own uncles. The swiftness with which his life was taken, broadcast on a loop like so many others over the last few years, had shaken me. I slept a restless sleep.

When my alarm went off at 6 a.m., I checked my Twitter feed, as I always do, while still snuggled in bed. I read a few Twitter messages, then closed my eyes, the hand holding my phone falling limply to my side. Overnight, while I was sleeping, another video, of another police killing, of another black man, in another American town, had gone viral.

I lay in my bed for the next hour, unable to gather the will to get dressed for the day. I turned the news on and listened as I read everything I could.

I wrestled with myself over whether to watch this video, too. I am a reporter and this was news. I am a human being, a black woman in a country where black death has long been spectacle.

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I watched.

Each detail crushed me. Stopped for a broken taillight. Dead within minutes. The blood spread across Philando Castile’s white shirt like a poppy in bloom. A 4-year-old child — just two years younger than my own — in the back seat, bearing witness. A woman, live streaming it all, her voice a terrified version of calm that I will never in my life forget. I knew watching had been a mistake.

I stayed stuck in bed another hour, wanting to wake my husband, who was snoring lightly beside me, but deciding against it: Let him have a few more moments of peace before waking to face another day in America where a black man just died for a traffic violation.

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Finally, I pulled myself out of bed, showered, dressed and then sat down at my vanity mirror. I looked into my own eyes. The despair peering back at me was too much. Before I could stop them, the tears came. I sat there, unable to look at myself again, crying into my hands.

I needed to get to work, but the last thing I wanted to do was make small talk about inane things with people for whom this might be a tragedy, but an abstract one. To many white Americans, the killings of black men and women at the hands of the state, are individual incidents, each with a unique set of circumstances. For white people, who have been trained since birth to see themselves as individuals, the collective fear and collective grief that black Americans feel can be hard to grasp.

But for black Americans like me, the killings of black men and women at the hands of the state with no justice to be had, is among the oldest and most familiar American stories.

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How do you explain the visceral and personal pain caused by the killing of a black person you did not even know to people who did not grow up with, as their legacy, the hushed stories of black bodies hung from trees by a lynching mob populated with sheriff’s deputies? Or of law enforcement, who often doubled as the Ku Klux Klan, killing black Southerners on lonely roads under the gaze of a silent moon?

To many of us, the almost guaranteed failure in modern times to hold the police responsible for these deaths feels eerily familiar; black Americans add these recent cases to the list of countless black people who died a few generations ago “at the hands of persons unknown.”

But, of course, this is not just about history and our disparate recollections of it. It is about now, and the way the vast gulf between the collective lived experiences of white Americans and that of black Americans can make true empathy seem impossible.

How do you explain — how can you make those who are not black feel — the consuming sense of dread and despair, when one sees the smiling faces, captured in photos, of Mr. Castile and Mr. Sterling, and knows that but for the grace of God, it could have been your uncle, your brother, your child, you? That if a police officer, his mind having soaked up centuries of racial fears, were to stop your loved one, or you, he may not be able to see a family man or doting mother? Someone who is not a boogeyman, but someone whom, as Ta-Nehisi Coates so piercingly lays out in “Between the World and Me,” parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, spouses, children and community had poured their love, hopes and dreams into. Someone who pushed a daughter on the swing, hugged a fiancée after an argument, told bad jokes.

How do you explain that awful understanding that each of these deaths confirms for black citizens, that if stopped by the police, we may be stripped down to our most basic of elements, that one part of us that is a complete fiction: our race. And that fiction — the American crime of blackness — can turn a broken taillight into a death sentence.

The last thing I wanted to do that day, and on many days, was face people who did not, at a gut level, get this. My friends, also struggling to leave their homes and head out into the world, reached out to me, and I to them. We sent texts and Facebook messages. We grieved together, trying to fill the hollow with love. Many people called into work that day, unable to deal with the mundane in the face of a tragedy.

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We’d been here again and again, but somehow, this felt depressingly the same yet also different. Even older black people, typically stoics from weathering things my generation has not had to, found themselves, to their alarm, crying as well.

Later I would interview a man in Texas named Patrick Francis. He grew up in a rough part of Houston, went to college to study criminal justice and spent 10 years in law enforcement before switching to a career in internet technology. This was not a man prone to displays of emotion. Somewhat bewildered, the father of four grown sons, he explained that he’d cried more than once following the two recent killings. And as he recounted trying to talk his son down from the white-hot rage he felt, I could hear emotion constricting Francis’s voice through the phone as he apologized for his tears.

I picked up my phone and called one of my dearest friends. As we talked, words tumbled out in rapid spurts only to be consumed by long periods of silence when we could find nothing to say. It was a familiar conversation. One we’d had when Trayvon Martin died. When the video of Eric Garner came out. For Rekia Boyd. Tamir Rice. Aiyana Stanley-Jones. Walter Scott. Laquan McDonald. The weight of all those names combined with the recent deaths, captured on video without enough room in between to catch our breath, rendered us hopeless and helpless. And then our sorrow turned to rage. Because we knew, in just a matter of days, there would be another. It seemed as inevitable as the sun rising.

Sorrow was debilitating, but anger fueled resolve. I hung up with my friend, washed my face, and headed into work.

That same night, a black sniper took the lives of five Dallas police officers during a protest against police violence. And then a little more than a week later, another black man killed three police officers in Baton Rouge. The mourning for these deaths, too, came wrapped in another fear, shared by those who did not want violence against black citizens or violence against the police: that, once again, the actions of a few would be a smudge against us all; that the crimes of two unstable men would derail a protest movement that sought only value for black lives.

And I could not help but think that this callous taking of life, the killing begetting killing, had revealed a rupture. I am not sure it will ever be fixed.

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BoJonJovi commented July 29, 2016

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BoJonJovi

Pueblo, CO

Years ago during the 60's I was riding home with my father. Civil rights issues were at a peak. My father, a state patrolman, saw a young black kid walking on a road heading out of town toward home, in the opposite direction of our home. The kid had a couple two or three miles to walk. Evidently my father knew the family from his job, but certainly did not know them well. Anyway, my father picked the kid up and took him home.

I was maybe 10 - 12 years old. Old enough to know some pretty scary stuff was happening in the country. There were very few black families in my community and still are. Anyway, I asked my father why he did that. He said because he wanted to make sure he got home. That made an impression on me that still resonates today.

There are good cops in this world.

My father was one.

NineMuses commented July 29, 2016

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NineMuses

Provincetown, MA

I'm half Jewish and half Italian by descent, and I know that if people of either heritage were being singled out for violence and killing by police in today's America, I would feel crushed. These heritages form part of my identity in the "melting pot" of American culture, even if scientifically speaking my DNA is basically the same as everyone else's. To black people who've had to suffer one killing after another of their brothers and sisters, broadcast on TV and social media with gut-wrenching immediacy, I reach out my hands to form a ring of solidarity. We must work together to overcome racism, starting with local work to train every police force in nonviolent law enforcement. We also need to look for political, cultural, religious, and other leaders who will help with this effort.

Andy Reynolds commented July 29, 2016

A

Andy Reynolds

New York City

Painting all "white Americans" the same brush is to oversimplify and to turn a blind eye to white Americans who feel deeply for their fellow black Americans. I too have wept as I've read the accounts of the latest killings, and racism. I too phoned a friend to talk, help me stop crying last week, overwhelmed by the ugliness in the headlines-from too many black men dying at the hands of cops, to the Orlando massacre and hateful anti-LGBT planks newly added to the Republican platform, to the sheer terror of the ignorant, ugly, hateful America that Trump has energized. One does not need to be black to despair for Mia Frias-Russell as, trembling with fear, she recounted and videoed the racist vandalism of her home, and her life as she knew it. There are many of us, like myself, who are not so ignorant, who know history, who listen to our black friends, see racism in action every day (even here in NYC) and who understand, empathize, and fight to put an end to this. Know that we are there for you.

JB commented July 29, 2016

J

JB

Guam

LOUDER! More people need to understand this message.

I am a 61-year-old white guy; I'm a social scientist, so I've been attuned to these issues for decades, but I have never seen this message delivered so powerfully, so eloquently, on such a visceral level. It made me step out of myself and view the experience of others from an entirely new perspective. It has an impact.

LOUDER! Understanding will lead to progress, as it always has. LOUDER!!!

010011 commented July 29, 2016

0

010011

Turing

I am dismayed that the author is far too careless when she extrapolates Philando Castile or Alton Sterling to a broad disregard for black lives in the US. Is there any substance to this theory? I don't think so.

In particular cases such as the ones mentioned in this article, the suspects may have posed no credible threat and I don't wish to dispute that.

What I find appalling is to start there and then assume this extreme position that black people are unfairly targeted by police force in the US. Here's how I would determine if that was true. Account for the aggravating circumstances and then look at the statistic: was the suspect armed, fleeing the crime scene, disobeying verbal commands from the police, threatening to arm himself, etc. etc. After excluding such cases is it true that black suspects are more likely to be shot than white ones? That's the real question.

Appeals to emotion serves to only draw the conclusion you're aiming for: victimization. Do not paint dangerous broad stroke generalizations: you will simply entrench yourself in a position cooked up by your own mind.

Instead look at the statistics. There is an excellent comment here by one William Case who points to sources that substantiate that after excluding aggravating circumstances black people are NO MORE LIKELY to be shot than white people in police encounters.

I am human, and I feel the pain. Your pain. But don't direct these powerful emotions to draw incorrect conclusions.

Nancy commented July 29, 2016

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Nancy

London

I completely acknowledge that it's not the same thing, but the only feeling I have that's similar comes from reading or hearing about sexual exploitation of women or sexual violence against women. That it could easily be me, my mom, my female relatives, my friends, any woman, and that people joke about rape, so somehow in our culture it's okay. That's the closest I think I can come.

Diannn commented July 29, 2016

D

Diannn

Bottom line: white people are sub-human. White people perceive in the abstract, rationally, lacking feeling, depth. In our individualized identities, we lack a capacity for connection. Yet in our common whiteness we share a uniform guilt, painted across our brittle surfaces with a single brush.

Why then address us at all? This essay is one of several that have appeared in the Times describing the inability of white people to experience sufficient empathy -- or any empathy at all. White people cannot understand. Period. So the writer does not write in an attempt to communicate, but in an attempt to to dehumanize -- turnabout being fair play?

Jim Welke commented July 29, 2016

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Jim Welke

Ferndale, MI

Well told. Thanks.

suzinne commented July 29, 2016

S

suzinne

bronx

So now white people have to feel guilty for this TOO? Should I apologize to every black person I pass on the street that, by the luck of the draw, I'm white and they're NOT?

This continuous harping on race is making the divide WORSE.

Rea Tarr commented July 27, 2016

R

Rea Tarr

Malone, NY

A few years ago, I decided to be a teacher in the New York City public school system. First job was in a Brooklyn middle school where every student in my classes was black. First day on that job, my homeroom class's first question was, "Do you like blacks?"

All my life, lived mostly in U.S. cities, I understood that I would never not be asked if I liked black. I knew, too, that whatever I answered wouldn't be good enough for the person who braced me with that question.

I'm now 78, and looking for some far-off place to spend my waning years in peace. Where I don't have to waste my time in fruitless argument with people who want only to hate me just because I'm white.

Debbie commented July 25, 2016

D

Debbie

NJ

I get it. I'm sorry, appalled and try to imagine my 2 beloved sons as black mem. I can not even grasp the courage a Mother and Father must have as their beloved children walk out of their doors every day. My heart hurts.

I'm white and, in my opinion, we white people need to listen past the shock, denial or whatever and hear what our black Americans are saying. They love their children as much as we love ours. They love their family members just like we love ours. There should be no room in anyone's heart for this insanity called racism.

I didn't know I was priviledged. I did know I experienced life and the world differently from other people. Until I listened to a very good friend of mine. Until I walked in the park with her and her little girl. Until I saw the subtle and not so subtle things people do...even a passing glance. People may be surprised that more shows on your face than you think. Take all those snubs, glances, overt and subtle things and tell me if, over a lifetime, every day, it wouldn't drive you crazy. How strong black families are to continue to go out in the world, work, live life, support and love one another and still, try to reach out to us white people, trying to explain.

Just listen folks, with an open mind. I know it's hard. I wanted to shut my eyes too.

2 REPLIES

Hyphenated American commented July 29, 2016

H

Hyphenated American

Oregon

Are you ready to listen to white and Asian people who are discriminated in college admissions due to their skin color?

Edna commented July 29, 2016

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Edna

Sarasota, FL

Debbie, for the taking the time, and having the heart and the courage to write. I hope with all of my being that you will share this with anyone who might not be enlightened or awake to the pain felt by their fellow Americans. I couldn't have said it better, and my regular prayer is for the safety of my father, my son, my brother and my nephews. Yes, I love them - they mean the world to me, and it breaks my heart that this remains our reality.

Mary Sojourner commented July 25, 2016

M

Mary Sojourner

Flagstaff, Az.

I'm a 76-year old white woman. I've been stopped by the police twice in the last two weeks, once because I was praying at the side of a dirt road, the second time because I parked at that spot to pray again. I was afraid both times, very afraid. Nature is my church and certain places - i.e. that spot off the dirt road - are sacred to me. Each cop was young and white - with their command presence firmly in place. I knew better than to lie, so I told the truth. Both cops looked at me with suspicion in their eyes. I was afraid because I am clearly old and they might peg me as having dementia. I was afraid because I've been arrested in political demonstrations and I know how once a person is pegged as possibly a suspect, the system starts rolling. I was afraid because as a white hippie much of my life, I am a target. And I was afraid because I knew that almost no one would see the parallels between virulent racism and ageism. Now I'm afraid because the more we polarize ourselves, the stronger the corporations, the obscenely wealthy and the puppet masters become. Before you dismiss my fear and awareness of potential peril, please ask yourself one question about racism, ageism, sexism, homophobia and us dividing ourselves off from our brothers and sister.: Who benefits?

4 REPLIES

Darker commented July 25, 2016

D

Darker

ny

Who benefits? Arrogant MALE EGOS.

Rea Tarr commented July 27, 2016

R

Rea Tarr

Malone, NY

If you were already "praying" at the side of the road, how could you have been stopped by that policeman? Have your considered that he or she might have been concerned that you were in trouble?

The second time you were "stopped," apparently by a different officer, I would guess that he or she also wanted to know if everything was OK.

I'm 78, and very aware of ageism and have been a victim of it, myself -- especially in my professional life. But if I spied someone on the side of a road (perhaps too close to the road for safety?), behaving in a manner I couldn't understand, I'd have stopped, myself. Or called a police officer.

Hyphenated American commented July 29, 2016

H

Hyphenated American

Oregon

You do realize that the democrat party needs black vote to win in 2016, right?

Kirsten commented July 25, 2016

K

Kirsten

Silver Spring, MD

I remember when a fellow MBA student talked about his fear of being pulled over in rural NC (where he was from) and how he is followed around a store every time he walked in. This was 1998, he had previously worked at the NSA and was at a top-10 business school.

I realized at that moment that I would never fully empathize or internalize the fear the same way as I am a white woman. I will not internalize that fear in the same way a man can never internalize the constant fear a woman has of being kidnapped and sexually assaulted. My husband can walk through a parking lot without worrying about who is following him or watching him go home - I do not have that luxury.

So, I would say I understand what I can't 'fully' understand. I can try to empathize and feel terrible about the state of our nation and speak out when thoughtless comments are made in front of me - but I can't internalize it the same way a man can't internalize the nagging, pervasive fear of rape for a woman.

Krishna commented July 25, 2016

K

Krishna

Long Island

Not all Muslims are terrorists but all terrorists are Muslims is an oft repeated statement. Similarly, not all Blacks are criminals but all criminals are Black AND violent. Be afraid of them; very afraid of them. In a one on one situation, it's going to be you or him (or her).

I'm skeptical White people in significant numbers or even in small numbers will join Black Lives Matter movement.

This is an American tragedy.

It doesn't take an IQ of Einstein to understand what "Black Lives Matter" means. Blue, Brown, White, Vermilion lives matter too.

Don't automatically assume the guilt of a Black person and beat, shoot or worse yet, kill that person.

Slavery to Civil War to Jim Crow to Civil Rights to today, Black lives are taken with impunity, often with Government sanction.

Black people's accomplishments are frequently not appreciated or acknowledged. In Dr Ben Carson's own Johns Hopkins, there's a

centhann commented July 25, 2016

C

centhann

las vegas

The fact that blacks dominate the attention of whites is stifling. I go out of my way to avoid the obvious need for people to encounter me or make conversations about being somehow part of the American culture. Same conversations over and over denotes insincerity. i don't need to be classified but for now that is the unavoidable destiny of not being white. (Manifest Destiny)

Establishment intends to remain established if a lower class white or black is killed it is of little consequence to anyone who is part of the powerful elite. Someone has to be right or someone has to be wrong. If I shop in a store security has to come to the area. Having rights is of little consequence if you don't know them and marginalization is encouraged and authorized from the majority. The point is mute but continues to be entertaining and news worthy,

DLP commented July 25, 2016

D

DLP

Brooklyn, New York

It is asking too much for us to feel your visceral tribal pain. Can you feel what I feel as a Jew whose family members were murdered because they were Jews? I don't expect you too. We must STRIVE to empathize and put ourselves in the others shoes, but we will never be there.

1 REPLY

Darker commented July 25, 2016

D

Darker

ny

So let us just kvetch and throw in the towel, because striving won't get us to perfection?

Chas. Fergberg commented July 24, 2016

C

Chas. Fergberg

Moron County, Calif.

Sorry I don't fit the profile and thus I'm not allowed to participate. Really?

2 REPLIES

Janesvillejones commented July 25, 2016

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Janesvillejones

Washington, DC

And thus you participate, by opting out with cynicism

Drew commented July 25, 2016

D

Drew

Maine

No. It's not that you're not "allowed" to participate, it's that you may lack the visceral understanding the author refers to. This is not an insult nor an attempt to exclude, it just *is*.

A parent who has lost a child will likely find a more complete understanding of their feelings with other parents who have lost children.

A rape victim, male or female, or former child soldier or child with a parent in the military, or someone who knows what it is to be actually starving with no hope of food in the coming days etc. etc. etc. will likely find it easier to connect about that subject with others who share their experience.

This does not indicate a 'failure to care' in those who do not share the experience, nor does it minimize personal anger at the way we can fail each other as humans, but a willingness to care, or be horrified by the horrifying, is not the same as having *lived* it. We are different, we have many different experiences, acknowledging this simple fact should not be taken as an insult or some sort of threat to one's personhood.

I have found, generally, a certain strong generosity in those who have faced hardship I will never know and have then had the patience to share it with me. I cannot say I've always been as generous with my own grief.

Thank you to those who are willing and able to share, especially in calm and thoughtful ways, it is a brave thing you do and may help others of us to understand better. Even if we do not live it.

Nancy commented July 24, 2016

N

Nancy

CA

For what it's worth, I'm white and I've cried. From Trayvon to the aide with his arms raised, protecting an autistic man. I'm a parent and a high school teacher so I've come to see fewer as others and more as mine.

But no, I don't feel afraid when a cop stops me. And my friend who retired a few years ago as a cop from a major city is shocked by what he sees. In his whole career he never shot more than a tire. He thinks the training must have changed.

Sam Miller commented July 24, 2016

S

Sam Miller

Los Angeles

We may not to be able to share your experience, but we do have shared grief. My white cousin was killed by the police. I know it is not the same. But is it fair to say there is something in common when a white man or a black man is killed by police? Can we find common ground to find solutions? There are so many issues involved, can we at least agree that there is one we can all agree on?

I am sorry that I can only empathize with the experience of someone outside my skin color so much. I can't live in someone else's family or have another person's upbringing. But some experiences are more universal than others. I have not been a victim of racist institutions, but I have lost someone to a militarized police encounter. We can share in that grief. If we don't then we lose a chance to come together. And only by coming together can we really start to fix the problems.

Just Thinking commented July 24, 2016

J

Just Thinking

Montville, NJ

We grieve for all victims. In particular, we grieve for the toddlers murdered in their cribs by a stray bullet from a neighborhood thug. We grieve for the shop owner killed for a few dollars. We grive for the beatings and break-ins of the elderly. The senseless deaths of young men at hands of their peers.

It speaks volumes of the value system of these neighborhoods when crimes go unsolved, yet the thugs are locally infamous. "No snitching" lets these people roam free. Yes, America can't understand it......

1 REPLY

Ellie commented July 29, 2016

E

Ellie

Massachusetts

Are you seriously callous enough to insinuate that "black on black" crime is somehow the equivalent of what amount to executions of people of color for "offenses" as trivial as a broken tail light, or failure to signal? Or are you somehow suggesting that because some crimes are "black on black" that this qualifies you to brutally throw that into the faces of people who are grieving after the loss of several more innocent black men at the hands of police? What relevance does your conception of black on black violence have to this piece about how hard it is for white people to truly empathize with the collective pain that black people feel at each new senseless murder of an innocent black person at the hands of racism-driven fears? You seem to be suggesting that because black people sometimes kill other black people, you are entitled to sneer at the grief black people now feel. I'm white, and I hope I am wrong about your meaning. I hope you did not just demonstrate a towering failure of compassion and decency.

john w dooley commented July 24, 2016

J

john w dooley

lancaster, pa

Thank you for trying.

Stephen commented July 24, 2016

S

Stephen

New York

I'm a white privileged male. I've felt traumatized and helpless to stop white oppression of blacks in our country my entire life, starting with the trauma I felt as a child watching images of blacks (and white activists) being brutalized in the south for trying to achieve some measure of admission into society, such as the right to vote or sit in a restaurant or in the front of the bus. Despite that, I think Ms. Hannah-Jones is correct that it is nigh impossible for whites to really grasp the ongoing reality of black existence in America. Sometimes it is the most mundane experiences that bring this home. Story: a white and black friend go the store to buy something. The white friend casually crumples and throws away the receipt while walking away from the cash register. The black friend is shocked and asks what the white friend is doing. The white friend can't understand that walking out of a store with merchandise but no receipt would put a black person at risk of being retained or even arrested. To a white person, that generally is never a risk and not part of their reality. The point is that I can give assurance that I care, but I agree that I'm not certain I'll ever really understand. But we should start with caring. I'm sad that so many commentators (and white Americans) seem more angry with this national conversation than caring.

Canis Scot commented July 24, 2016

C

Canis Scot

Lost Angeles, ca

The sad tired lie of "You can't understand".

Only every race, every parent, every spouse, every child does understand. Police kill more white suspects every year than they kill black suspects. Statistically blacks commit more violent crimes than whites. Eight times more. Yet whites die at a higher rate.

So why no white outcry? First because white deaths get very little media play. No real drama involved when a white man exits his home armed with a shotgun and dies, suicide by copp.

On the other hand lots of media attention when the suspect dies on camera. Of course very little mention that he looked like a reported armed robber and that he died while reaching for his gun after being told to keep his hands in plain veiw.

As the hoary old saying goes a lie is halfway around the world before the truth is out of bed.

The classic tale of "Hands up, Don't shoot", still has legs in the black community, despite all the science showing it is a lie.

Want to reduce the number of black deaths? Eliminate the war on drugs. Remove the criminals in your midst, you know who they are. Teach your children, by example, to respect the law and the police. Rebuke your child when he acts out at school, don't blame the teacher. Stop having out of wedlock babies, statistically they grow up in poverty, use drugs, commit crimes, and die younger than two parent children in the exact same city street.

MOST IMPORTANTLY TEACH YOUR BOYS THAT FOLLOWING THE ORDERS OF THE POLICE WILL KEEP THEM ALIVE.

Karen S. Voorhees commented July 24, 2016

K

Karen S. Voorhees

Berkeley CA

Thank you for doing the hard work of writing this.

As a caucasian I do not live this tragedy. But I have often thought that if I were the parent of a black person,especially a male, I would be terrified all the time.

Tournachonadar commented July 24, 2016

T

Tournachonadar

Illiana

All this huffing and puffing about the particularism of blackness, as if I were back in 1971 reading one of the Panthers' essays. And nothing is ever said about the inescapable fact, indeed the epiphenomenon as it were, of black men killing each other in huge numbers. So huge that over 90% of the homicide in Cook County Illinois, where Chicago is situated, is black men killing each other. Stop trying to guiltbag white people, who are supporting your entitlement-based lives with commensurately huge allocations from the Federal budget for Section 8 and other welfare programs, as well as having to endure the racism of your affirmative action intrusions into the workplace.

1 REPLY

Rosemarie commented July 29, 2016

R

Rosemarie

Saratoga,NY

To attempt to explain to a white racist who uses black on black crime as his excuse to not understand a) the rather complex reasons that black on black crime continues to exist in poor neighborhoods means understanding why those neighborhoods exist as they do at all; b) nor the simple reason he (or she) cannot fathom racism as a thousands of years tribal phenomenon allowed to fester for economic and social reasons for the privileged....because he or she does not even get that his or her whiteness IS the privilege in our society that is respected by the majority, period.

I am white. It took me long enough to get this much...and I am a woman of poor immigrant parents who became highly educated and successful enough...but still it took lots of reading, listening, caring beyond empathy only for me to get it. The writer who cannot get it yet has alot more to go before even wanting to get it. He or she will vote for Trump for starters in order to not learn anything useful toward advancing a diverse civilization.

PLH Crawford commented July 24, 2016

P

PLH Crawford

Golden Valley. Minnesota

You are so precious.

Tired of Hypocrisy commented July 24, 2016

T

Tired of Hypocrisy

USA

"The Grief That White Americans Can’t Share"

Only if NIKOLE HANNAH-JONES firmly believes that the color of one's skin defines membership in the one and only race that counts, the human race. This stupidity must stop and the NYT must not continue to pander to those who's goal is to divide the human race by color. We, humans, all feel the grief because it's HUMAN, not because of the pigment in our skin.

3 REPLIES

Janesvillejones commented July 25, 2016

J

Janesvillejones

Washington, DC

Read Between the world and Me, then consider your statement.

Tired of Hypocrisy commented July 29, 2016

T

Tired of Hypocrisy

USA

Janesvillejones - Did, and you and Coates have no faith in people, all people, whether white, black or any other pigmentation. Separate is NOT equal no matter what side of the divide one stands. The sooner the outliers realize there is but one race, human, the better our society will be. Stop trying to find the differences when there are so many similarities.

C.H. commented July 29, 2016

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C.H.

NYC

It's an extreme example of selective facts assembled to buttress a particular political view. Meant to arouse feelings, not thoughts. A bit like Donald Trump's and Fox News pronouncements, but in more flowery language.

Deendayal Lulla commented July 24, 2016

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Deendayal Lulla

Mumbai

Nobody knows when the killings will stop - blacks getting killed by whites in uniform,and blacks hitting back. Getting justice is also a mirage. Had this happened in India,when elections are around,it can become a big issue,and political parties blaming each other. It is surprising that it has not become a big issue in the US,when elections are around the corner. Have people resigned themselves to fate? The issue is complex,and there are no easy solutions. The onus is more on the whites. Why not whites and blacks take out a collective march,saying no more killings.

Larry commented July 24, 2016

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Larry

Michigan

Jon, you are a victim, so are the people you recount who were killed in your country. You have not moved on, you are still talking about what happened to millions of people. Even though you may not be able to do anything about the loss, it is still painful to you, still worth talking about and I imagine you still cry for those who were lost. When you talk about those loses, you are not playing the victim, the loss is real and should never have occurred. Are Jews who talk about the Holocaust playing the victim? When African-Americans talk about our losses at the hands of the police, we are not playing the victim, the loss is real, but we can and must fight to end these deaths.

Dee commented July 24, 2016

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Dee

WNY

As a middle-aged white woman I find I identify with this by thinking of all the stupid stuff my son did as a teenager and 20 something- several times resulting in minor encounters with law enforcement.

If he were black he might have died.

It fills me with rage and despair and shame at my relief that I didn't- and don't - have to worry about my son the way black mothers do.

Larry commented July 24, 2016

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Larry

NY

Thank you very much for such a touching article

Stone commented July 24, 2016

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Stone

NY

"How do you explain the visceral and personal pain caused by the killing of a black person you did not even know to people who did not grow up with, as their legacy, the hushed stories of black bodies hung from trees by a lynching mob populated with sheriff’s deputies?"

It's easy...just open the breath and scope of your selfish perspective, and explain it to an American born relative of the Nazi, Armenian, Cambodia, Bosnia, or NATIVE AMERICA genocides! Explain to your friends, colleagues and neighbors whose ancestors emigrated to America to flee political and religious persecution, and certain death. Do you think blacks are the only group of U.S. citizens to share a collective consciousness of moral certitude and righteous indignation?

How dare you tell me, a white Jew, whose great-grandparents escaped the pogroms of Russia and Poland, who I can and cannot grieve for...who I can and cannot empathize with, whose plight I can and cannot sympathize with. Shame on you.

2 REPLIES

Claire Weisz commented July 25, 2016

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Claire Weisz

New York City

Your response and way of reasoning is counterproductive. In many respects your reaction is devoid of true empathy or understanding. Why? Because until this country starts treating young Jewish men and women as threats, which they did in Europe before and during the Holocaust, you cannot equate inheriting your history as a ticket to understanding what it is like to be black in America. You can't pretend to be insulted because the writer excludes you from her pain. Try speaking to a victim of the Holocaust or even the child of one and ask them if they think you can feel their pain. understanding. This is a pity, based upon their direct experience of racism and genocide your great-grandparents could relate to the writer, but you cannot. But you should as their great grandchild be able to see with your own eyes the bigotry, racism and fear of "the other" around you and instead of complaining about someone explaining their fears, reach out and try to understand. Albert Einstein who escaped the situation your great-grandparents lived through, was observant enough to call out the truth. Einstein saw clearly enough to see racism as "a disease of white people" and saying he "did not intend to be quiet" about his opposition to segregation and racist public policy. His friendships and testimony on behalf of Black Americans should not be forgotten by us American Jews who are seeing the ((signs)) of the tide turning against our perceived privilege. We cannot be quiet.

Stone commented July 29, 2016

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Stone

NY

Claire...I grew up speaking to victims of the Holocaust; that's what one did in Hebrew school as a child born in the 50's, growing up in the 60's. A couple of my present neighbors were childhood survivors of the Holocaust. And, If you don't think that antisemitism has bloomed anew in the United States and Europe in the 21st Century, then your eyes are closed. I've stood toe-to-toe with antisemitic men, American and European, and they hated me for my religion...they certainly didn't know me as a human.

I was born in Newark, New Jersey. I went to a High School that was predominantly black, in Elizabeth (NJ), because my parent's liberalism registered off the charts. I'm not a black American, but I know black Americans, and I'm respected by the black Americans who know me.

I could care less what Einstein thought about racism, as it wasn't his area of expertise. Find a better source for quoting about the "diseases" of racism, which are the apparently only hosted by Caucasians.

I never met my great-grandparents, so I couldn't say how they would have reacted to this editorial. But, I'm certain you're not in a position to proffer an opinion. I'm still offended by Ms. Hannah-Jones, and now Claire, you're also offensive to me.

Lastly, I don't think that sharing the grief of others is an alien concept. Just recall the G.I.'s of the Allied Forces who grieved unabashedly, for the living and dead, when the Jews were liberated from the concentration camps at the end of WWII.

William McKinley commented July 24, 2016

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William McKinley

Madrid, Spain

The author is right: no white person can completely identify with the pain and grief she describes. No black person can understand my pain and frustration over that limitation of mine (and I do not suggest that those pains are equal; the are only equal in their isolating effect).

I completely respect the power and pain of which she speaks, and I am as filled with sorrow and empathy and anger over the injustice as I can be.

And, if we do not try to find a common ground, and a way to identify a common goal that this violence is unacceptable and must end, nothing will change.

She must step outside of her personal experience, and I must step outside of mine.

That is our only hope.

Dear Author: I Am With You-

A 55 year-old White Male

Dart commented July 24, 2016

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Dart

Florida

I too am not sure the rupture will ever be fixed despite despite 150 years of progress.

SLK commented July 24, 2016

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SLK

--

Wow, so many white commenters who just can't tolerate the idea that there might be experiences unavailable to them, offended by the very notion that by virtue of their whiteness they may be excluded from something, no matter how painful that something is. Unable to listen to a Black American writer recount her experiences without getting defensive, scolding, whitesplaining. I'm so tired of it.

Albert Shanker commented July 24, 2016

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Albert Shanker

West Palm Beach

Denounce Mike Brown ,proven a lie by a grand jury of African Americans and the justice dept,don't just stop talking about it like oops . Then white sympathy will follow.

Arif commented July 24, 2016

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Arif

Toronto, Canada

I am a human and while I've lived in NYC for ten years I've been living in the country further north for over two decades. When I left NYC the crime there was three times what it's today. So naturally, as a fellow human, I have pondered on the issue. What seems so blatantly absent from most appraisals of police versus black problem is the essential fact that blacks (for whatever reason) have a lot higher (seven times according to FBI flies for 1980-2012) RATE of murder (for single offender/single victim) This simply means that police is getting involved with blacks seven times more often in a black population relative to a white population, statistically speaking. So a seven time higher rate of police encounter is likely to APPEAR as unfair, especially if it ends up seven time more of even accidental shooting (a case like Castile's)

The appearance, therefore, of police is unfairly targeting the blacks, while police only responds to the crimes, committed by white, black, or other.

We can make a dent in this tragic situation but glossing over the history of those who get shot by police, will only delay, if not further inflame the divide.

Dennis Paden commented July 24, 2016

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Dennis Paden

Tennessee

BLM is not about valuing the lives of African - American men anymore than Donald Trump is about Making American Great Again. Trump does not speak for this white male anymore than you speak for African -Americans.

At our best, all any of us can do is try to put ourselves in the shoes of the other. But, when BLM or Trump, take a slogan and add aggression, a disrespect for the rule of law, and view themselves as a sort of ' morality police', then count me out.

The reasons behind the unfortunate rise and disproportionate death of Black men at the hands of the police is as complicated as the discontent of white males regarding their perceptions of an American dystopia.

slapshot commented July 24, 2016

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slapshot

white plains, ny

If you cried about all the black on black homicide, you would never go to work.

Zen commented July 24, 2016

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Zen

Earth

I'm a white guy that is always happy to see African American cops. I trust their humanity.

roger commented July 24, 2016

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roger

boston

The value of video evidence is that it documents the treatment for all to see. Police can no longer hide behind their version of events. Ultimately, police superiors, prosecutors, and juries must hold police accountable. Most of these people are white and give tacit support to police use of undue force. Once there is accountability the tensions will lessen for all sides.

DSM commented July 24, 2016

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DSM

Westfield

If a Muslim told the author that the anger of being singled out for extra scrutiny by police was something black people could not share, the author would probably take vigorous exception. Whenever I read one of the many opinion pieces in the Times treating all white people as not only the same, but living a life free from poverty or mistreatment and being incapable of empathy or understanding, I become less shocked (although still horrified) that Trump won the nomination and Fox News has become the ratings leader.

No one group has a monopoly on any grief or grievance and the more we tell others that they "don't get it" the more terribly divided we will become.

Stephanie commented July 24, 2016

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Stephanie

Glen Arm, Maryland

Thank you for providing these insights. Words can be bridges to the soul, when they are communicated. These difficult conversations are critical.

I was told that when a Black person enters the room, the first thing that is noticed is the color of her skin. I was also told that Black men get physically and emotionally weary from the effort of maintaining themselves in white society. These have helped me understand a little more about the Black experience.

Gospel songs, jazz, the blues, rap also capture some of the pain.

I also do not know that the rupture can ever be fixed but we cannot stop trying to fix it.

.

1 REPLY

Mary Sojourner commented July 25, 2016

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Mary Sojourner

Flagstaff, Az.

May I add that when an obviously old person enters a room, their age is the first thing that is seen. If they are a woman or poor, dismissive judgments begin instantly in most observers. If they are upper middle-class, male or rich, those judgments are softened.

Estelle commented July 24, 2016

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Estelle

Manhattan

Hello Ms. Hannah-Jones,

I would like to say that I'm white, and I've written a hip hop song

called "Michael Brown is Dead". It came out of the pain and anger I felt after his killing, and the killing of so many others. It's on YouTube, if you have a chance to listen.

Thank you for the good work that you do.

Hyphenated American commented July 24, 2016

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Hyphenated American

Oregon

So, Donald Trump is correct, horrible things are going on in Obama's America, it's all doom and gloom.... This is the message from the NYT, correct?

Mary Hoover commented July 24, 2016

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Mary Hoover

Pennsylvania

Thank you for writing this.

MW commented July 24, 2016

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MW

New York

Thank you for expressing what so many of us have experienced over the last several weeks.

I will just add, that I have not been at all interested in sharing my grief, opinions, or other feelings with white people. For me, part of self-care has been staying safe in the community of black people who share this lived experience. I don't need white people to understand or empathize, and I think this experience is more painful for black people who expect/want those things.

Black people are in this alone.

Bett commented July 24, 2016

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Bett

Texas

Thank you for speaking so eloquently and passionately.

cb commented July 24, 2016

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cb

mn

Continuing to write articles comparing blacks to whites is so 20th century. Also, white people find it extremely offensive to be compared to blacks. If your (newspaper) insists on casting blacks as victims, please compare them to other racial groups, i.e., hispanics, asians. I seriously doubt these groups will appreciate being compared to blacks. Moreover, these groups cannot be shamed with early American slavery, have no historical master/servant connection to blacks, may not be nearly as benevolent caretakers of blacks as the traditional white whipping post..

1 REPLY

BH commented July 24, 2016

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BH

Maryland

"White people find it extremely offensive to be compared to blacks"..I can only hope that your comment does not reflect the feelings of white folks in general...

Patrick commented July 24, 2016

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Patrick

New York

I assume all that special black grief is reserved for the 1/3 of people shot by police who happened to be black, not the 2/3s who were white. White Americans don't share your special racially exclusive grief and I'm fine with that. If Alton Sterling hadn't been reaching for his gun he might not have been shot. I'm thankful he didn't get to shoot either of the white police offiicers. Have any of the white people who've been shot by black persons activatet your special black grief? No, I guess not.

1 REPLY

Lives_Lightly commented July 24, 2016

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Lives_Lightly

California

Race isn't a contributing factor when White people are shot by police. That's the reason they are less likely to be shot when they encounter police in similar circumstances.

Larry commented July 24, 2016

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Larry

Michigan

Ed, I can not imagine any human being saying that the death of others does not bother them. If you live in a community of color, you have seen men beaten to death by policemen. You have seen pictures and read articles about people being stopped by police and never reaching home. Frankly, The use of the word white-Hispanic is a dead give away. It certainly does not sound like a descriptive word that would be used by a person of color. I know it is a box to check on government forms, but I have never heard it used in my community, which is mixed.

Phil Corsello commented July 24, 2016

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Phil Corsello

Denver, CO.

This magnificent, incredibly sad expression of profound grief should be posted to the social media so that all Americans, of every color, might better understand the anguish of Black Americans sentenced to live in a seemingly endless unjust world. Only with both an intellectual and a visceral understanding of the horror of this state, by the majority of White Americans, will substantive reform ever take place.

John commented July 24, 2016

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John

Brazil

I admit that I cannot understand the personal connection. Last year, around 280 blacks died at the hands of the police. The black population of the U.S. is around 37 million. It is impossible that more than a very small fraction have known a victim personally.

It is impolite to bring up general black homicide rates, but it is important. Innocent blacks killed by police is very rare. Blacks being killed in homicides is common - the most common cause of death for young black men. BLM and others conflated these two very different things. The odds of an innocent black man being killed by the cops is less than being killed in traffic if that same man rode a bike to work every day. The fear is real, but it is a fear based on media reports and not justified by data. A innocent young black man has a reasonable fear of homicide from those around him. He does not have a reasonable fear of homicide by cops.

This has a more nefarious side, and another reason we need to bring up the sensitive issue of black homicide. As the community becomes more afraid, hostile and uncooperative to the cops, the cops are less able to protect the community for the real menace of homicides. Since Ferguson, we have seen a spike in black homicides in major cities, after a decline of more than twenty-five years. It is too soon to say for certain if there is a causal relationship, but we can say the BLM is not helping.

Powers commented July 24, 2016

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Powers

Memphis

How can one communicate the depth of humiliation, the feelings of worthlessness in the eyes of ' your country' when again and again America finds a way to let the killers off and demonize the victim.

You think of the family who proudly watched this person take his first steps, wiped his nose and his butt, put him on the school bus every day, made his dinner. Do they count at all ? How can people continuously be so unfeeling for other peoples' pain?

How do you hate people who have done nothing to you so much that you donate tens of thousands of dollars to help someone killed an unarmed black child? What is it that people are so afraid of?

Ryan Wei commented July 24, 2016

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Ryan Wei

Hong Kong

And to this day, there is no clear evidence that any of these incidents involving black men, inflamed by the media, has anything to do with their race. It's just assumed because "well you know it happens all the time."

Disproportionate outcomes do not imply inequity, much less unfairness, unless one assumes all humans, individuals and groups, are equals to begin with. This is the founding myth of western societies, and we need to starting challenging it, not using it as a prop for media to disrupt social harmony.

Until there is evidence that these cases, be they police error or otherwise, are caused by racism, you and readers alike can put away the melodrama.

Jon commented July 24, 2016

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Jon

nyc

A little over 20 years ago, 200,000 people in my former country were killed, 100,000 women raped. The capital of the city was besieged for 4 years and boarded on a daily basis, a 7,000 men and boys were killed in a single day. There was hardly a day that someone I knew weren't killed, including my friends and family.

More then half of the country fled and are all over the world, including USA. As other commentators noted, we all have a story to tell but most of us choose not to, and we move on.

You too should move on Ms. Hannah-Jones, it's getting exhausting reading these stories knowing others, including myself, have gone through much worse but don't play victim

10 REPLIES

PLH Crawford commented July 24, 2016

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PLH Crawford

Golden Valley. Minnesota

Brilliant.

John commented July 24, 2016

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John

Cambridge UK

You can't compare your suffering to what Blacks in this country are going through. Hundreds of blacks are killed by the government (police) each year, even though the police are supposed to protect them. What happened to you, while tragic, sounds like it occurred during a period of war or civil breakdown. It does not sound like you were in an advanced, Western country that was brutalizing its own citizens.

There's a real problem in America, and we should strive to correct it. At least people acknowledge what happened to you was wrong. For Blacks, there's no acknowledgement. Even when children are shot, their school performance is vetted by parts of the media to show that they were future thugs. They're considered less than worthless.

The deaths are only part of the issue. The lives lost in your past country are counted, and people acknowledge that those people existed and had worth. For Blacks, their lives aren't counted, and for a large part of America, they have no worth. It's like they don't exist. The fact that the most powerful country in the world can kill hundreds of its citizens with little or no critical oversight is insane.

SW commented July 24, 2016

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SW

Henderson, NV

Ms. Hannah-Jones is a professional race-person. She's not going to leave that behind----not when she's doing well hawking these goods. She's not the only professional race-person.

Sera Stephen commented July 24, 2016

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Sera Stephen

The Village

I’m becoming exhausted by these opinion pieces. How can you state that “white” people can't share your grief? (I understand that writers don't always choose the headlines).

If I can’t share your grief, then do me a favor and just keep it to yourself. Your patronizing attitude is offensive to me. You don’t know me. You’re judging me by skin color, and then telling me the problem is judging people by skin color.

“You read something which you thought only happened to you, and you discover that it happened 100 years ago to Fyodor Dostoevsky. This is a very great liberation for the suffering‚ struggling person‚ who always thinks that he is alone.”

When James Baldwin wrote those words my friends and I were risking our lives, together, to end this type of thinking which, however well meaning, only serves to keep people separate. Who are you to tell me I can’t feel your pain?

“I am human, and so nothing human is alien to me.” That was said two thousand years ago, and yet I have to repeat it nearly every day to people who’ve never heard it.

Please, get over yourself. Then, let’s talk.

1 REPLY

T. Davis commented July 25, 2016

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T. Davis

North Carolina

It's one thing to tell a woman to "get over" having been raped 50 years ago. It's something quite different to tell her the same thing while she's still being raped.

Ian commented July 24, 2016

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Ian

West Palm Beach Fl

"The Grief That White Americans Can’t Share."

Well, then that's that.

1 REPLY

Johanna Gillan commented July 24, 2016

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Johanna Gillan

St. Louis

The systematic mistreatment of black people in this country didn't start with the murder of Alton Brown and Philandro Castile. It didn't start with the murder of Mike Brown. Their deaths are the culmination of YEARS of anti-Black behavior. And the anger is as strong as the grief, the bewilderment, and the exhaustion that black people feel everyday, not just on the days in which their young black men and women die.

To the black community, I am so, so sorry. I'm sorry for the tacit approval in remaining silent during events of discrimination and hate. I'm sorry for the way my America doesn't match your America. Saying this does nothing, of course, because I don't KNOW what you are feeling.

I understand fury because I've been furious, and I get grief become I've been sad. I can read the books and the poetry; I can listen to the speeches and the songs, and cry with the laments and the sobs. But I don't KNOW. I've never felt furious, bewildered, or sad because of the color of my skin.

The conversation is yours now. It not our place to guide, but rather to listen. It starts, I think, with the words "black lives matter because..."

Jessica commented July 24, 2016

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Jessica

Canada

Many comments here deny the pain of the author by offering the usual objections, eg. why cry when you don't know all the facts (as if a preponderance of past experience with a structural problem means nothing), or what about black-on-black crime (as if the intersections of crime, poverty, over-policing and structural inequality mean nothing.)

I see other comments seeking to assure the author that of course many white people empathize and cry, and that she should open her eyes to see that or we'll never move forward.

As a white woman, I urge everyone to read this article again.

When you are part of an attacked group and you are in fear and grief, why should you be expected to immediately open yourself to those who may not understand? While you are in active pain? Risk that people you speak to in that moment might very well deny your pain?

Please, don't miss the fact that the author didn't conclude that she would never speak to white people again, never try to build a bridge. She went to work that day! She wrote this article and shared it! Us white people seriously need to end this knee-jerk practice of rejecting pain we don't understand before really hearing it out. Really, really listen, ESPECIALLY when it makes you uncomfortable. It's on us. Until way more of us start listening without a "yeah, but"--and start working to change our broken institutions--black people are not going to automatically think of us as allies when they are in pain, and we shouldn't expect them to.

5 REPLIES

Pharsalian commented July 24, 2016

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Pharsalian

undefined

"Attacked group"!? Many more whites are killed by police than blacks. Why aren't we supposed to cry over their stories? Don't white lives matter?

Marjorie Fox commented July 24, 2016

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Marjorie Fox

North Carolina

Thank you for this letter. I was appalled when I first started reading the comments section.

Hilary Caws-Elwitt commented July 24, 2016

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Hilary Caws-Elwitt

Northampton, MA

Thank you, Jessica! I'm also a white woman and I totally agree. One additional aspect, white folks saying "I do SO feel your pain": you're making the author's community vs individual point for her. You as an individual may feel can't-get-out-of-bed sad, but do your white family members, your white co-workers? If so, recognize you're not in a representative community. See if you can read it again without hearing an attack on *you*. Our sisters and brothers are suffering and they need us to listen and be strong enough to hear and absorb. Can't we grow beyond this "white fragility?"

socanne commented July 24, 2016

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socanne

Tucson

If I told you my husband died of cancer, could you, as a married woman, imagine my pain? I know you could. Likewise, I know there are white people who do know your pain; I think there are many of us who feel it right along with you. I can't talk about it without breaking down myself. On top of my pain, I feel the guilt of my white race, the failure of my comrades to live up to both your and my expectations. As you beg us to understand what you are experiencing, I beg you not to underestimate those of us who see you as part of us, not separate from us.

1 REPLY

Lives_Lightly commented July 24, 2016

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Lives_Lightly

California

Now if I had knowledge your husband was an alcoholic, I very well might feel no pain or sympathy for his cancer. Knowing that someone shot by police was Black has a similar effect on people who identify as White.

Race makes a difference in the US. That's why one of the first questions people(of all colors) ask when hearing of a police shooting is "What color was the person who was shot?"

Tom commented July 24, 2016

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Tom

NYC

"To many white Americans, the killings of black men and women at the hands of the state, are individual incidents, each with a unique set of circumstances. For white people, who have been trained since birth to see themselves as individuals, the collective fear and collective grief that black Americans feel can be hard to grasp. But for black Americans like me, the killings of black men and women at the hands of the state with no justice to be had, is among the oldest and most familiar American stories."

Finally. Thank you. This is the best written analysis I have seen of one of the major gaps between groups. This collective/individual divide is, I believe, perhaps the fundamental point of impasse to groups understanding how each proceeds in the world. It is not only in regard to these tragic killing-crimes, but also in conceptions of achievement, responsibility, power, community, accountability, and many, many other points of separation. If each group approached the other by keeping these diverging perspectives in mind -- this different emphasis on the collective/individual spectrum -- we would go a long way in beginning to treat each other with better understanding and compassion, reveling in the power of both approaches.

Matthew commented July 24, 2016

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Matthew

Nevada City California

First, I am a 46 year old white American man. I agree that white america needs to hear this, repeatedly, until it sinks in. I do believe, however, that an absence of personal connection to a brutalizing event (or even an entire system of brutalizations, which is what this is) should rule out one's feeling anger and grief. Just as I do net feel let off the hook for feeling that anger and grief about recent events, others should not assume that I don't feel them. The writer brought up a very astute and largely ignored point that whites in America are not encouraged towards a larger identification with "white america". Rightly so, as "white America" is the prevailing power structure and conjures up plenty of negative groups and movements. I guess the bottom line is that while it is true that whites do have the privilege and option to not think about these issues, to some it is not really a choice. We are not practically affected and can never feel that sense of personal fear and dread as our black countrymen, but for me and many others like me, the feeling of disgust, rage, and injustice are visceral and heart felt. I don't know where to go from here, but my hope is that the path is becoming a bit clearer.

Jon commented July 24, 2016

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Jon

NM

Donald Trump is really the perfect example of the typical white.

Having had so many advantages in life, all the white man or woman can comprehend is losing some of these advantages.

It must be terrifying!

There are some who want to replace "Black Lives Matter" with "All Lives Matter."

But this is a charade. Because the white people who say "All Lives Matters" are obviously lying.

Eben Spinoza commented July 24, 2016

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Eben Spinoza

SF

Many of the descendants of people who were kidnapped, stripped of their cultures, prevented from having stable families, prohibited from learning how to read or write, and deprived of the value of their labor still suffer from the effects of those crimes. They are, with high probability, visually identifiable. That they are feared by the descendants of the beneficiaries of those crimes is both understandable and a continuing crime.

pshawhan1 commented July 24, 2016

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pshawhan1

Delmar, NY

I'm white, male, and middle-aged, so I have not had the same experiences and cannot fully understand the pain that Ms. Hannah-Jones describes. I can, however, comprehend it, at least in part, and grasp how it is connected to the other things she describes.

I remember, all too clearly, the night when Dr. Martin Luther King, both a religious minister and a leader in the cause of nonviolence, was assassinated. I found out when I went to the apartment of an African-American student I was in school with. He and his mother were literally speechless, with tears running down their faces. Because they could not utter even one single word, it was not until a reporter on their TV set repeated the news that I realized why they were crying.

I was 15 years old then. I am in my 60s now. That memory is still etched in my mind. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night with that scene all but present in front of my eyes.

I have worked with, and respect, law enforcement officers and criminal prosecutors. I do not want to see any police officers killed in the line of duty, ever, any more than I want to see members of the US armed forces killed in action while defending us overseas.

When I hear of one of my fellow citizens who is African-American being killed by a police officer, though, after being stopped for some trivial reason, it makes me feel sick inside. Nobody should be killed for selling loose cigarettes, or having a broken taillight. Black lives do matter!

urban latino commented July 24, 2016

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urban latino

new jersey

Ms. Hannah-Jones has delivered a necessary piece of writing. Let us grieve for our black brothers and sisters while not debasing ourselves by resorting to violence. And let us not forget that there are Latinos who have been shot down by the police whose names grace no memorials in the ledger-stone of the American mind; Latinos are rarely part of the national conversation except in terms of opprobrium, consigned to the role of dusky villain crawling from the parched grounds of economic misfortune and invasively entering the goldenrod landscape of the American dream--an invisible people now made starkly poisonous by the harsh glare of current Republican vitriol. America, blacks and Latinos are more than mere cultural scapegoats: we are no longer simply your inmates in your teeming correctional facilities, or dealers slinging crack on the streets, or scrubbing your toilets or serving your iced teas; we are thinkers and writers and professors and actors and designers and architects and CEOs and folks pulling down paychecks just to survive and hardworking souls with two jobs and children that we read to every night and there is no stereotype that could define any of us for we, black and brown, are as complicated and passionate and as full of ambition and dreams as any individual born into a white, middle-class family. America must be as plural as the universe if our democracy is to survive.

1 REPLY

Connor commented July 24, 2016

C

Connor

GDL

Let's keep opened eyes on Police Shootings of blacks and also victims of cops shootings in the wider culture. In raw numbers, more whites are killed by cops than blacks. The big elephant in the room is the unpublicized black cop-on-unarmed white victims: Utah, Ft.Worth and Houston's HPD Sgt Curtis Hampton. An asides, Hampton had a checkered record with sexual assaults in personnel file.

swccomm commented July 24, 2016

S

swccomm

New York

I am white woman who had the same exact feelings that very day (s) -- could not face work, mourned with friends, in a very depressive state, etc. Constantly on the verge of tears, thinking the same feelings about the little girl sitting in the back seat, etc. I also kept saying to myself, if I am feeling these emotions, can you just imagine what black families are going through. We all are grieving, albeit, in very different ways.

Mom commented July 24, 2016

M

Mom

US

Nikole: I really liked your stories on This American Life. I know in one way I can never understand what you are feeling but your writing is not wasted. It is one way to help me -- with the little detail of letting your husband sleep a little longer. I do connect with that. Maybe every effort to explain, to describe, has a cumulative effect. I can tell you that reading your essay has an important impact. Reading this story that had a link from the NYT yesterday, and watching the videos has an additive effect:

http://www.mystatesman.com/news/news/local/violent-arrest-of-teacher-cau...

Watching the police camera of the teacher's arrest and her conversation afterwards while she sits in the back seat of the police car is bad enough. But watch the first video, taken recently, a year after what she experienced. Tears are running down her cheeks, and ran down mine too. This dear young woman horribly damaged by injustice and racism. A young woman with whom I do not share a skin color but she makes me see something I can understand as a woman-- the dignity she clings to in the midst of humiliation and disillusionment and fear. I admire her so much.

Nikole, keep working to make white people understand. More white people want to know, to understand, and they believe what they are being shown. More people of all colors are really trying and changing in small ways and large. It's not right yet. We must make it be right for everyone.

thelastminstrel commented July 24, 2016

T

thelastminstrel

Texas

I'll tell you where this road goes, the road you seem to be choosing;

If Black pain, experience, injustice, Can Not be understood by whites, then it is time to part company.

If you and the KKK are right - "There is such a gulf between Black and White, that it can NEVER be bridged"; then there is no sense in even trying.

You go your way and I go mine.

You stay out of Whitetown and I stay out of Blacktown.

And Browntown - Yellowtown - Redtown - etc;

It is a very narrow world we are building here.

1 REPLY

Kerri D commented July 24, 2016

K

Kerri D

NJ

You seem to completely miss the point of this essay. It is important for white people (of which I am one) to know that there are aspects of the experiences of groups to which we do not belong which are difficult or impossible for us to grasp. That our knowledge is limited by our perspective and our privilege. In no way does it suggest that we give up trying to work together or be connected with each other despite our different perspectives. Your comment reflects a disappointing and common excuse among whites for opting out of the work required to fight injustice--the equivalent (in more ways than one) of picking up your toys and going home.

Arnie Tracey commented July 24, 2016

A

Arnie Tracey

Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

Love of:

- the USA?

- the Protestant work ethic?

- Obsession for the Industrial Revolution?

No. No. And No.

The only thing the two sections (North & South) had in common after the Civil War was racial animus, without that adhesive the South would have remained a rogue state, a colony.

The carnival of horrors which ensued, the murders, Jim Crow etc. are just a vestige of that legacy, a bonding device.

Ever wonder why the cops are never described as insane or unstable?

Because they are socially sanctioned agents of a culture fused by, for lack of a better word -- Hate.

Dwain commented July 24, 2016

D

Dwain

Rochester

I hope the day arrives soon that enough white people realize that racism, police shootings of people of color with impunity, are white problems to solve. Black Lives Matter is doing great work. B.L.A.C.K is doing great work, many black people are doing great work resisting police brutality and murderous contempt.

But essentially, it is only white people who can bring white people to see that what is being done to uphold their privileges and their social rank, their economic superiority, is a brutality against our sisters and brothers. It is white society that invented "whiteness," and that society that determines who gets treated as white, with the conferral of white privilege, and who is not white.

And that distinction creates so much hatred, so much harm, so much suffering so many innocent victims. And for what? For what? When enough white people ask that question, they take the first step toward rolling up their sleeves and working against racism. But for us white folks, the main effort is not so much standing with black communities as it is changing our own white community.

1 REPLY

Jennifer Dunning commented July 24, 2016

J

Jennifer Dunning

New York City

Thank you, Dwain, for a response that is almost as eloquent as the essay. I detest the term "reverse racism" because not only whites are racist. Our terrible history of slavery has stained us all. But at last we are talking -- thinking aloud -- with one another. If it is true that we are all "born to belonging"(a translation of the South African "ubuntu), and I believe we are, we must face that history.

I was struck by a recent interview with a middle-aged black policeman who said that out of uniform he was afraid in his own city. And when a longtime black friend turned on me, with some reason, a wiser person than I made me understand that the pain and struggle of adaptation to white society may go so deep and become so automatic that even a wise and happy-seeming person may not be aware of its depth.

The classic "Memoir of a Race Traitor," written by Mab Segrest, a white lesbian Southerner from a racist family who fought the KKK in North Carolina, is a classic that includes a powerful history of race in America. One can learn alot from that, too. And at the very least we are now talking -- thinking aloud -- with one another. I am sad the Obamas will be leaving the White House. I will miss their wise presence on this complicated, nuanced voyage. But bless this fine essay and its writer, Nikole Hannah-Jones, who will be good company along the way.

C.C. Kegel,Ph.D. commented July 24, 2016

C

C.C. Kegel,Ph.D.

Planet Earth

I feel it. I sobbed, too. And I am deeply enraged at the police. As a mother, I especially felt for Diamond Reynolds and her child, for the mothers of Tamir Rice, Eric Garner and Michael Brown.

I was glad I had a Black friend to hug and hold on to. I also shared grief with young White women, who felt as I do. But from the comments here, many Whites just don't get it. I don't know any of them.

In the 60's we used to sing:

"Black and white together,

We shall not be moved."

Nancy commented July 24, 2016

N

Nancy

New York

Brilliant and moving essay.

Hope this writer writes many more like this.

She is the bridge we need to have the conversation that will produce the results that make change happen. Thank you.

Debbie commented July 24, 2016

D

Debbie

Ridgefield, CT

People keep saying "all lives matter". Obviously, that's true. Yet, that is not, and has never been, the point here. Read this and you'll know why there is a movement called "black lives matter". #blacklivesmatter.

Vincent Amato commented July 24, 2016

V

Vincent Amato

Jackson Heights, NY

The incidents that have been covered in the media of late are emerging tips of the larger iceberg below. Relations between the police and the larger black community reflect the daily tension that we should not be surprised to find erupting into the open with greater frequency. The Obama years have been particularly difficult for Black America, particularly since the devastation caused by the Crash of 2008. Higher expectations brought about by the election of an African-American president combined with ever-worsening economic conditions in our Black communities are a recipe for turmoil.

Ms. Klara commented July 24, 2016

M

Ms. Klara

Nevada City

Thank you. Beautiful essay.

SK commented July 24, 2016

S

SK

South Carolina

Ms. Hannah-Jones writes eloquently about her pain, frustration, and anger regarding the constant state of fear African Americans and people of color live in. It is true that since I may never experience it, I cannot fully empathize. But, people like her who speak out do raise the level of awareness. I see how many more people of color are pulled over on the highway when I'm driving. I see how many people of color deliberately drive at or under the speed limit. I see the lack of eye contact and calm, deliberate manner of speaking with officers (even in festive settings). They have to be careful every second of every day where I do not. I pay attention to this so that I can be a witness to the differences between their experiences and mine so that maybe I can help in some way or maybe help prevent another tragedy. Maybe I can only extend a hand in friendship or offer a hug but my heart bleeds for these men, women and children who don't have the freedom to just "be" in their own country.

denise commented July 24, 2016

D

denise

oakland

This mirrors my own experience. Thank you for sharing. I was supposed to go to a mixed-race book club meeting that is usually a highlight but I just couldn't. I was so raw and couldn't control the tears. The Dallas police murders ratcheted up my anxiety even more because now, in addition to the police, the gun-toting masses would be waiting to mete out 'justice' on my husband, son, brothers,uncles,cousins, friends. It's a type of stress those in the majority can't imagine. It was made even worse when, at the gym on the elliptical, a white woman next to me tapped me on the arm and exclaimed after reading a tabloid article about some Kardashian skank not knowing who the father of her child is, "this is the problem today, she's pregnant and doesn't even who the father is." I almost screamed. Instead, I took a deep breath and said, we have far bigger problems than that today. The delta between her mindset and mine let me know that we, as a nation, are miles away from a solution. It was so insensitive, it was cruel.

FARAFIELD commented July 24, 2016

F

FARAFIELD

VT

As a white woman in middle age, I can in no way claim to fully understand this particular grief. But I have known grief, as have most people I know. The more I keep having it pointed out to me that "I don't understand", the more alienated I feel. We can never fully know another person's grief, no matter what it is. But as human beings, we can understand it in general. There is a lot of wrong in this world, a lot of people being hurt, a lot of pain, a lot of wrong, a lot of bad. Why must we draw lines in the sand where there could be none, where we could be drawn together instead?

Auggie commented July 24, 2016

A

Auggie

New York

The other side of this sad story is the out of proportion violence committed against police officers by African Americans. The FBI statistics below indicates almost 40% of police homicides are committed by African Americans despite the fact that African Americans make up 13.2% of the population. Killing does beget killing and on occasion it's unjustified killing. The fear goes both ways. Some people have no business being police officers, training needs to be improved, recruiting and in some areas pay needs to be improved. Internal police investigations need to be rigorous with proper discipline carried out.

In the past week the Times published the results of a study indicating white police officers are no more likely to use deadly physical force than other officers.

https://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/leoka/2014/tables/table_47_leos_fk...

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/12/upshot/surprising-new-evidence-shows-b...

1 REPLY

David Smith commented July 24, 2016

D

David Smith

NYC

You have misstated the findings in the Times article you reference. The point was even more dramatic: "(O)fficers were more likely to fire their weapons without having first been attacked when the suspects were white."

gavrielle commented July 24, 2016

G

gavrielle

US

Well written.

Alex commented July 24, 2016

A

Alex

Montreal

"systemic racism" is a phrase that's often used. How can there be systemic racism when the President, in fact the most powerful person in the world by most metrics, is black?

Please tell us another country where the most powerful individual is elected from a 12% minority.

1 REPLY

idaleung0 commented July 24, 2016

I

idaleung0

Clinton Corners

Isn't it telling that we focus on that aspect of his background? since his mother is white, why isn't he just as easily white?

Mark Rogow commented July 24, 2016

M

Mark Rogow

Texas

(Not Mark) Since I am Jewish, perhaps I have a little perspective also. But I'm the other too (white), so which wins out? Let's see, our temples are guarded by policemen, so we don't worry about them, just the other nameless citizens in the world who wish to kill us. Hmm. My kids faced constant taunts in public schools (but not military ones) because of their belief system, as they say. When they go to their religious school there is always a policeman standing guard and in many places all over the world it is needed. But, at least in this country we don't need bullet proof glass or barbed wired like in Germany where we were stationed when they were little. When we hear ridiculous conspiracy theories from people about how everything is the fault of us 'rich' Jews and my kids want to know how anyone could believe such a thing, what do I tell them? Nothing. Not everything can be fixed.

1 REPLY

Lynn R commented July 24, 2016

L

Lynn R

Teaneck NJ

The very fact that your temples are guarded by the police is an indication that your (Jewish) life matters to the state. As one of the brave women who came forward in Oklahoma to reveal the sex crimes of police officer Daniel Holtclaw testifed: "Why? Why? … I was confused. And I was shocked and I didn’t know what to think and I didn’t know what to do, like, what am I going to do, call the cops? He was a cop." For far too many Black Americans, there is no sense that our lives matter, that when we are the victims, there will be a national outpouring of grief, that the police who enter our communities are there to protect us. Indeed, it is just the opposite. When you point out acts of anti-Semitism, there is a great likelihood that you will be believed (hence the police guarding your places of worship). There is no such assurance that when a Black person claims racism, we will be believed, except by other Blacks. Nor can we expect that the police will protect us from further harm. So while I appreciate what you describe above, the very fact that you made your comment here about your own suffering and not the experiences described in this article confirms the very point this author is making. As a white (and Jewish) person, you do not feel our pain. If we could change that, a lot could be fixed. I also believe there is something you can tell and demonstrate to your children: Black Lives Matter just as much as Jewish Lives Matter and All Lives Matter.

Sam commented July 24, 2016

S

Sam

Portland

This moving essay reminds me why we don't need more conversations about race at this moment. Instead, what those of us who are White need to do is listen—with the deepest sense of humility we can muster. (I appreciate that listeners play a vital role in all conversations, but my point is that we don't need to be doing the talking, explaining our positions, whatever they may be, as African Americans share their experiences of life in America, where "being Black in the wrong place" can be fatal.) At some future time, it may be time to talk, but for now, we've got to learn to listen in ways we haven't seemed to manage in the past. I pledge to do my best, aware that this won't be easy for many reasons.

ACL commented July 24, 2016

A

ACL

Seattle, WA.

When Guiliani says all lives matter he reminds me of the Animal Farm classic line" all animals are equal but some are more equal than others." He is racist because he lessens and demeans the unique tragedy of black lives in America -a country that began with institutionalized racism as slavery. He is saying that black lives are worth less than white lives. The US Constitution originally said that a black life was equal to 3/5ths of a white life. This thinking has yet to go away. I look forward to Obama's memoirs about the hatred and obstruction he faced as president just because he is a black man.

bse commented July 24, 2016

B

bse

vermont

Thank you for this article. Your point about whites raised as individuals and unable tograsp the collective grief of black Americans is important for us all to learn. We also all need to hear and "get it" about the vast numbers of people who despair about all the violence.

Our gun and violence-infested culture needs to be transformed into one that values human life. And black lives truly have been the ones not understood or valued, which is why the BLM movement is necessary and should not be thought to be a statement that not all human lives matter. It sadly is necessary to point out in 2016 that too many Americans do not value black lives at all and need to be reminded about our common humanity.

Dave commented July 24, 2016

D

Dave

Monroe, NJ

Blacks in America who die in a homicide are overwhelming killed by other blacks, not the police. In the first half of 2016 over 60% of those who die as a result of police action are white. Your position seems to assume that the police are never justified in using deadly force; this is ridiculous. Are there instances where deadly force was used and not justified; I am sure they exist. That is why we have courts.

1 REPLY

Mary commented July 24, 2016

M

Mary

Wisconsin

This is comparing apples and oranges: garden-variety homicide to state-sponsored killing (some of which is justified, and some of which almost certainly is not). The question should be: how many whites die at the hands of the police adjusted for their percentage in the population, compared to how many blacks do?

Deflecting a conversation about police violence against blacks to one about black-on-black violence is irrelevant, and doesn't solve the problem.

jo2360 commented July 24, 2016

J

jo2360

new york city

I'm white. I cried. Although I will never have to deal with this personally, just know there are white folks out there that 'get it', whom this resonates with, and who will stand up for you and stand with you.

Ex Liberal commented July 24, 2016

E

Ex Liberal

Austin

I regularly see my fellow bipolar and autistic people shot, beaten, fired, bullied and shunned. But because of my skin color, I'm somehow unable to share your pain? The technical term for you is "racist."

mdnewell commented July 24, 2016

M

mdnewell

Midlothian, VA

You're so right, white people cannot begin to comprehend the terror people of color in this country must feel especially when having an encounter with law enforcement. I can't imagine the fear of dying at the hands of those who are sworn to protect me particularly when I have done nothing wrong. I desperately hope that the now regular occurrences of murder by police come to an end but I am not confident that it will happen anytime soon. Time after time we see deaths of innocent citizens ruled as homicides but everyone involved in those deaths is found not guilty. People are being murdered but nobody did it. How can that be?

David Bernat commented July 24, 2016

D

David Bernat

Connecticut

Entitlement to empathy is now being parceled out only in a way being deemed politically correct by the writer. This is what we've come to in this country, a country in which people can casually assert, with the assistance of a print medium oblivious to its own naïveté, that hearing the other person's opinion and viewpoint is unnecessary because, solely by virtue of the color of their skin, they are incapable of having empathy. How sad that this kind of stereotyping, all in the name of claiming the moral high ground in a discussion of policing, is allowed to substitute for actually listening to what we each have to say to the other. This makes me shudder when I think of the current state of race relations in the U.S.

pag commented July 23, 2016

P

pag

Fort Collins CO

For many of us white people who grew up knowing black people on a personal level and who have worked with black people, and had close black friends, there is a lot of empathy and caring. There is not a vast gulf.

Yet there still is the gulf that needs to be bridged, as suggested by Ann from CA. Let the talks begin.

BR commented July 23, 2016

B

BR

California

It's a real tragedy that a large part of the population feels less safe when police are around. And the sad part is that this has been happening for a long time. It's only the advent of smart phones and consumer video journalists that have made it impossible for us to ignore this.

As far as I can tell - the issue is only with the police. You don't see this with firefighters, EMT, or in the army.

1 REPLY

afd commented July 24, 2016

A

afd

seoul

How quickly we forget the images captured of soldiers mistreating prisoners at Abu Grahib.

Julianne Carney commented July 23, 2016

J

Julianne Carney

Brooklyn

Thank you Nikole for writing this. Your words echo the experience I have heard many of my friends describe. Two years ago, when Michael Brown was killed, I woke up. I think I woke up then because I had become much closer with more friends of color than previously. Seeing a death in a video of someone who could have been my friend was deeply upsetting. It is so important for people to be able to read what you wrote. We can try to imagine, but writings like this first-hand account of your daily battle are much more meaningful. I'm sure it was difficult to write. Thank you for sharing it. Your courage is humbling.

SMD commented July 23, 2016

S

SMD

NYC

Without seeking to diminish the pain, sorrow, fear and grief a person of color might feel in connection with such incidents, telling others that they cannot understand seems only to serve to limit understanding. That only fuels mental segregation.

Alex commented July 23, 2016

A

Alex

Philadelphia

The killing of any human being is a tragedy but Ms. Hannah-Jones sees everything through the prism of race. Alton Sterling was a huge, powerful 300 pound man with a history of violence, particularly in prior arrests. At the end, he was confronting two police officers with a gun in his hand. Only an investigation will determine if the officers acted properly. The killing of Philando Castile, by all accounts a good, decent man, may have been caused by the arresting officer mistakenly believing that Mr. Castile was drawing his gun. Again, an investigation will tell. Be miserable and moralize, Ms. Hannah-Jones, but why not wait for all the facts to come in?

3 REPLIES

Lisalyn Jacobs commented July 24, 2016

L

Lisalyn Jacobs

Arlington, VA

I've not seen one account of the Sterling homicide that says anything other then he had a gun in his pocket. This is not unusual. It was an open carry state. However, if you have a link to an article suggesting otherwise, I would love a link to it. As to Sterling's previous history, the police knew none of that when they confronted him, nor does it justify an extra judicial execution.

N Yorker commented July 24, 2016

N

N Yorker

New York, NY

Alex, take a look at this five-minute video, during which the biracial suspect (1) resists arrest, (2) knocks the officer to the ground, (3) punches the officer repeatedly, (4) tries to get the officer's gun, (5) tries to choke the officer with an MMA-style move, etc. etc. You will see at the end of the video that the suspect is NOT shot even though the officer being assaulted begs the backup officers to shoot the suspect. Why do you think the officers responding to Sterling and Castile, by comparison, could not show comparable restraint in situations that were far, far less volatile? THAT is what has so many people confused and angry, and so many black citizens afraid to be anywhere near police.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrdDwvVgh3s

idaleung0 commented July 24, 2016

I

idaleung0

Clinton Corners

Perhaps your perspective illustrates the author's point in paragraph 7: that the majority views such incidents as individual occurrences to be analyzed intellectually instead as part of a pattern which leaves part of our society in fear and overwhelming grief.

HN commented July 23, 2016

H

HN

Philadelphia

I agree - white people can not fully understand, but we can empathize.

The closest I can come to understanding was when I was a young female traveler who fit the profile for mules. I had a hard time boarding airplanes, and was often body searched. But I never had to fear for my life.

When I get pulled over by a cop for speeding, my reaction is humiliation, but not fear.

When my son wants to wear a hoodie, I know that he'll be OK because he's white.

My son will start driving soon. Unlike my black colleagues and neighbors, I don't have to give him "the talk".

Having had a glimpse of what it is like to be profiled, I emphasize because of the absence of what I have to go through as a citizen and a parent.

Anissa commented July 23, 2016

A

Anissa

Upper Nyack

Thank you, thank you Nikole Hannah-Jones for putting in to words what has only swirled in my head. I needed your essay. I haven't been able to cry for the racial horrors that have happened in my life...nor for the weight of the horrors my ancestors experienced. Our grief is over 300 years old...our grief is of the cellular level.

stephen h baum commented July 23, 2016

S

stephen h baum

greenwich ct

If it makes you more hopeful, please know there are many of us whites who are fed up with the lack of listening and seeking to understand each other. We have close friends who have suffered solely because they are black and some in our circle who have been thrown to the ground by police as they came from teaching a class at university or from some other professional role.

There are so many roots of the problem and so many hardened positions on solutions, there is such a striking absence of real national leadership (my field of expertise) that we need a new Coalition of the Willing for America that puts a stake in the ground on the need, without preconditions, to start listening and seeking mutual commitment to solve the problems. This must, in my view, start locally, blossom in many places and increase the pressure upward to end the polarization.

Enough already.

Stephen H. Baum

www.stephenhbaumleadership.com

DavidS commented July 23, 2016

D

DavidS

Kansas

Even if the racism would be weeded out, would dissipate, we would still be left with a judicial system unable to hold police accountable for unreasonable force, let alone murder, with a jury system that mollycoddles racists (Baltimore), and with a lazy law enforcement that uses a traffic stop as a pretext for investigating other crimes.

Why in this day and age does anybody anywhere need to be stopped for a taillight??? instead of a postcard mailed to the vehicle owner?

1 REPLY

Ed The Rabbit commented July 24, 2016

E

Ed The Rabbit

Baltimore, MD

Oddly enough, in many cities, tons and tons of people are driving cars equipped with "attitude adjustment" (bogus) plates. They have no license, or a suspended one. The car is registered to another. The insurance lapsed long ago.

Often, these folks are also involved in actual crime. A proactive stop for a bad light or a failure to signal is sometimes the way to take a criminal with a gun off the street. Often, police know in advance that the person is a criminal. They have informants, electronics, databases, and things that they'd rather not tell defense lawyers all about. So they watch for a broken tail light. This is what is called "pretext," and how one views it—as a racist outrage, or as good policing—depends largely upon what side of the law one resides.

John commented July 23, 2016

J

John

New York City

This will not end so long as we all sit behind the facade, the visage, of our skin color and, from that perspective, view each other less as human beings and more as being Black, Brown, Yellow, Red or White. All our flaws; all our foibles, derive from this fundamental insanity which is inculcated into every and every member of our species from the moment of birth. Maybe someday we will awaken to the stupidity of it; but unfortunately if we continue - by our actions - to teach the children to hate and/or interpret each other first and foremost by our color this awakening will not be coming any time soon. And this saddens me beyond all measure.

John~

American Net'Zen

david terry commented July 23, 2016

D

david terry

hil;lsborough, north carolina

Thank you, "Ann", for that measured and powerful response to Ms. Hanah-Jones article.

Sincerely,

David Terry

Ed commented July 23, 2016

E

Ed

MD

I'm black and the police shootings don't bother me much. This is a fantasy created by the media with no data to support it. I don't feel put upon by cops maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm not engaged in crime.

Here's what does move me, the constant and consistent deaths of people due to homicides. Since the victims are mostly black as are the perpetrators these people are often ignored. Their killers are rarely brought to justice, clearance rates in many cities are under 30%. Their own communities don't seem to care since they rarely assist cops. Black lives do matter but to the media & politicians they only matter when they're ended by a cop or white man or even a white Hispanic.

1 REPLY

T. Davis commented July 25, 2016

T

T. Davis

North Carolina

Well, "Ed", who is supposedly black, good for you that you feel nothing for the tragic deaths of black Americans at the hands of the police under questionable circumstances.

I am also a black American who is not engaged in crime. Never even had a parking or speeding ticket. Furthermore, I previously lived in Germany for over 15 years. So play Devil's Advocate. Explain why I was only pulled over once by German police (a "mouse trap" where, for example, every 10th driver is flagged down at a set location to check for license, registration, and it insurance), while since returning to the United States, I've been pulled over not only more times, but for bogus "infractions", such as wearing a bicycle helmet while riding an electric bicycle. Really? After the white police officer pulled me over, he said, "We've noticed you riding around town on that thing..." and then proceeded to inform me that I had to wear a motorcycle helmet when riding it. Why?

"It has a motor, doesn't it?"

"Yes."

"Well, that makes it a motor vehicle. And if you're operating a two-wheeled motor vehicle, you have to wear a motorcycle helmet."

Mind you, this was not an electric motorcycle, nor could it have been mistaken for one, since it had a bicycle frame. But, I knew my place, so I didn't disagree with the officer.

Several years after having sold my electric bicycle to a white man, I occasionally saw him riding it around town. Of course, he was only wearing a bicycle helmet.

Kimberly Breeze commented July 23, 2016

K

Kimberly Breeze

Firenze, Italy

Nikole, I weep with you and try not to descend into despair but it is so hard. To watch and hear the monstrosity that is politics today is to see only more of this terrible injustice. I am an old white woman who feels completely powerless to make this nightmare stop. I can only hope that a change in leadership might have an effect even if it is small and a long time coming. I am with you in hope.

susan boyle commented July 23, 2016

S

susan boyle

hampton, virginia

From "sorrow . . . to rage." At the end of the film, The Great Debaters," 15-year-old James Farmer, Jr., representing the all-black Wiley College debate team in front of the all-white Harvard audience, ends his speech on civil disobedience by recalling the night he and his teammates witnessed a lynching in 1930's Texas, saying, " . . . violence, or civil disobedience - you'd better pray we choose the latter." I am enraged with you; I feel the horror when I discuss these issues with my black students. Imagine the fuel behind the resolve to stand up for their rights.

Jen RN commented July 23, 2016

J

Jen RN

Portland

I would share this burden with you. But I just don't know how. What can I do to help?

Ian Gollihur commented July 23, 2016

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Ian Gollihur

Santa Cruz, California

I do not believe there will ever be racial justice in this country. Racism is far too ingrained. If we as a society can be exposed to the countless videos of unarmed black men and women being murdered by police and still find a way to find the black community, as this country has done, then there is no hope.

Pam Jones commented July 23, 2016

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Pam Jones

Little Rock, Ar

Although I am white, as a human I grieve with you. I have African American friends who have been unjustly arrested. I cannot rectify these wrongs, but I agree they are wrong. I can never walk in your shoes but I agree with you. My husband and I have discussed this for years and it does not seem to be getting any better. I am as frustrated as you and realize that I do not have the same worries as you since my sons are white but I agree with you.

Judith Klinger commented July 23, 2016

J

Judith Klinger

Much

Any effort to help us get beyond seeing groups of people as a block of "others" is a step in the right direction. Thank you for sharing this eloquently written essay.

Tom commented July 23, 2016

T

Tom

NYC

"To many white Americans, the killings of black men and women at the hands of the state, are individual incidents, each with a unique set of circumstances. For white people, who have been trained since birth to see themselves as individuals, the collective fear and collective grief that black Americans feel can be hard to grasp. But for black Americans like me, the killings of black men and women at the hands of the state with no justice to be had, is among the oldest and most familiar American stories."

Finally. Thank you. This is the best written analysis I have seen of one of the major gaps between groups. This collective/individual divide is, I believe, perhaps the fundamental point of impasse to groups understanding how each proceeds in the world. It is not only in regard to these tragic killing-crimes, but also in conceptions of achievement, responsibility, power, community, accountability, and many, many other points of separation. If each group approached the other by keeping these diverging perspectives in mind -- this different emphasis on the collective/individual spectrum -- we would go a long way in beginning to treat each other with better understanding and compassion, reveling in the power of valuing both approaches.

ELS commented July 23, 2016

E

ELS

CA

I think every day about my dear friend, a white woman who has raised two wonderful black children, and the fear we all hold that her now-adult son could be gunned down by a police officer whose job it is to protect him. Many of us are afraid and we all must work together to translate that fear into a productive and positive rage that can change 500 years of history.

Sara commented July 23, 2016

S

Sara

Los Angeles, CA

I know what this article says is true,and that an older, white woman, I can never fully understand some things, in the same way that it's sometimes hard for Gentiles to fully understand my feelings about anti-Semitic behavior, which is surfacing in alarming ways with Trump's encouragement. However, that doesn't mean I can't empathize. I, too, have cried over my morning coffee reading the news and looking, reluctantly, at videos. As a mother, I completely broke down as a small child comforted her mother while her boyfriend died in front of them. As a woman, I was uplifted by the photo of the young woman courageously facing police in Baton Rouge. As an American living overseas, I have repeatedly asked the rhetorical question, feeling despair and anger, what is happening to my country? All of these are places we can find common ground. Sad and upsetting as they are, perhaps focusing on places we share, rather than those we don't, might start building some bridges.

FH commented July 23, 2016

F

FH

Boston

I wouldn't presume to even try and know the individual feelings and reactions of large populations. Human relations are so complex and, I am happy to say, have become more so in my lifetime. I don't recall any people of color in my grandparents' social circle. But there were a few in my parents and more than a few in mine. I do worry for them. The degree of that worry and persistence of that anxiety are not yours to assess. They are mine and my friends' to live with. If you have a pulpit such as this, you might use it to do something more helpful.

1 REPLY

SLK commented July 24, 2016

S

SLK

--

Really, you're going to tell a Black woman living in America how she should express her feelings about state violence against Black people? You're offended that she doesn't think you, as a White person living in America, would fully understand her experience? That really is the height of clueless White arrogance.

Fredda Weinberg commented July 23, 2016

F

Fredda Weinberg

Brooklyn

My Dear, until your people are rounded up and put in camps to die, you don't know anything about racial animosity. Police are human and make mistakes; the assumption of this piece is that Blacks are targeted by bigots, but usually, it's just someone who wants to make it home alive.

Instead of adding to this emotional response, remind yourself that White slaves existed, too, and the most difficult choice is to forgive and move on. Discrimination in hiring and academia still exists, but civil rights marches are no longer met with dogs and fire hoses.

So for your own sanity, work on your personal boundaries so you don't feel for every victim. The progress that you seek is possible, but you need to find a positive outlet. I did and you can see the results by searching YouTube for, " kids cops and computers cut crime."

Until you wake up screaming, as my father did until he died, you really don't know pain. So don't lecture me. Organize a community council or in New York, attend the monthly meetings. Speak up about your concerns, but don't imagine that your situation is unique.

1 REPLY

Alex commented July 24, 2016

A

Alex

Montreal

Good comment.

Andrew Nielsen commented July 23, 2016

A

Andrew Nielsen

Australia

If the black community is a community as other communities are not, it will be able to, within a generation, turn the police force into a black organisation. Fair? Not really. There are black police chiefs. Perhaps this opportunity did not exist before.

Derik Hayenga commented July 23, 2016

D

Derik Hayenga

Lewisville Texas

Help me understand. How is it this wonderfully written piece, which captures the zeitgeist of huge swaths of America has generated almost no conversation (2 comments as of this writing)? To my thinking this exemplifies the problem, too many of us, are simply unwilling to engage. Why? Perhaps the problem will just go away if we collectively pretend it is not there. It won't. Injustice is an insidious cancer that eats at the very essence of our nation. Shouldn't we at least try to talk about this? I expect/hope for more from each of us.

1 REPLY

SA commented July 24, 2016

S

SA

Main Street USA

I can help you understand:

The Times comment section is moderated by a small group of people who have thousands and thousands of comments to scan across the entire web site. Sometimes it takes longer for them to appear because they are busy. Please save the "I expect better" comments. It's not about you.

Ralph Waldo commented July 23, 2016

R

Ralph Waldo

AZ

Please. The Black Lives Matter movement lost my sympathy at Ferguson with the first building looted and torched.

1 REPLY

SLK commented July 24, 2016

S

SLK

--

Well, then you didn't have much sympathy to begin with. And you will never understand.

Kathy Barthelemy commented July 23, 2016

K

Kathy Barthelemy

Berlin, Germany

I have raised an African American and German teenager for the last six years. The day Michael Brown was shot, he looked in at me, and knew that I knew. He said, "They would shoot me, you know..." I was already in tears. He was 18, and the same frame and size as Michael Brown, 6'3", 220 lbs., large, unruly Afro, adorable face. He showed me a spoken word poem he had written the day before it happened, and said, "It was as if I had known. But of course, I did know." He read it to me off of his iPhone. He went to school for one semester in Minneapolis, my former home, and loved it there. I couldn't watch the video of Philando Castile for two days. I wept, especially because this was "home", this was safe for large beautiful black men. But with it all, came the realization that there is no safety, no exception. I sobbed when I saw the mother of Alton Sterling's children with her son, who had to turn away, crying. She said, "He's the oldest of the five. He is 15." Then the police in Dallas, then Baton Rouge, without respite. I cannot ever feel this like the author feels it, I know that. But, as AJ says below, some of us "do understand and do grieve." Not the same way exactly, but also...

Lisalyn Jacobs commented July 23, 2016

L

Lisalyn Jacobs

Arlington, VA

This resonates with me, a middle-aged Black woman. So much so that in a few hours time, I'll be returning to my home in the Washington, D.C..suburbs from the 3 day respite that I hurriedly planned last week when the trauma of the Sterling and Castile stories, followed by the Dallas and Baton Rouge reprisals became too much to sit with.

I'm heartened by the efforts to engage and demand accountability by many white people who previously saw cases like Alton Sterling's and Philando Castile's just as the author describes, "individual incidents ... with unique circumstances." I'm waiting for the police to get there, however, as I see union reps. condoning unprofessional walk outs in Minnesota (by off duty officers providing security at the Lynx games) and putting forward totally incomprehensible narratives in a vain attempt to justify the shooting of Charles Kinsey as he lay on the ground with his hands raised, I know that we have, "miles to go before we sleep."

TheHowWhy commented July 23, 2016

T

TheHowWhy

Chesapeake Beach, Maryland

I feared white people wearing sheets with guns when growing up during the 50's in St. Stephens, S.C. I feared black men in the 60's with guns in the streets of D.C. and M.D. and still do. I remember in great detail the White people who pointed guns at me just out of fear, and the Black men that robbed me with guns --- or tried to kill me just for the rush, I have been jumped by gangs, stopped by police for no other reason then being young and black. Some how I made to 65 --- In between there were lots of good, strong and smart black and white men and women who were teachers, state troopers, coworkers and friends that made a difference ---- I channel my anger and sadness into a fanatical effort to change things for the better --- what choice do I have --- I am a dad of a 7 year old black boy watching America showing the world that black lives might matter but not that much!

Renee commented July 23, 2016

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Renee

Cleveland Heights OH

Thank you, AJ--I had the same thought. I am white, but haunted by these deaths. I may not have the same inability to get out of bed, but I despair. Tamir Rice was a kid I used to watch bike down the street, and yet in the public media he somehow became someone it was okay for an over-reactive police officer to kill. I am white, but god knows I know and love many boys of color, and I worry about them constantly. I worry about my son, too, but I know he is protected by the color of his skin, just as his best friend is endangered by his.

It reminds me of the anti-lynching movement so valiantly fought for so long by courageous African-Americans yet unable to actually succeed until white southern women joined their ranks. If we want to end this cycle of death--to black people and the police alike--white people need to start visibly supporting Black Lives Matter.

AHS commented July 23, 2016

A

AHS

Washington DC

Thank you for writing this. I'm sure it was hard to express these thoughts and feelings, but they are eye-opening.

Suzanne commented July 23, 2016

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Suzanne

Toronto

Ask a Jew about anti-semitism, about locker-room graffiti and bricks through windows, about Jewish stores boycotted, Jewish children afraid to walk to school alone, ask about generations who Anglicized their names so they would not stand out, men and women who were refused work when employers found out they were Jews, who couldn't get into clubs or were turned away from business deals and more. Ask a Jew what it feels like to be 'other', to be an outsider, not to belong, and to be afraid of being rounded up and shunted aside, as 6 million Jews were only 70 years ago, sent to their deaths like animals to slaughter. Black people are not alone in knowing suffering for their race, for their skin, for the unforgivable 'crime' of un-whiteness. We are one race. The human race. Every life lost out of hate diminishes us all.

2 REPLIES

Citizen commented July 25, 2016

C

Citizen

USA

Yes. At the same time...

Black persons cannot avoid discrimination by changing their name.

Black persons cannot avoid discrimination by not talking about their faith.

Black persons cannot avoid discrimination by not discussing their ancestors.

Black persons carry their identity 24/7 for every bigot to see.

Black persons cannot take a break from being black.

Inherent racism is not merely purple or green or orange. It is not my church, your church, their church.

Racism in the USA is about black lives.

I have to start there.

T. Davis commented July 25, 2016

T

T. Davis

North Carolina

As a black American when lived in Western Europe for a decade and a half, I get it. Algerian French, Turkish Germans, and Jews in many countries have also faced, and continue to face, discrimination and violence at the hands of other white-majority countries. But this fact, and the point that you felt necessary to make, does not diminish or lessen the reality or importance of racist violence against black Americans. If a person mourns the deaths of cancer victims, that doesn't mean that she doesn't also feel sorrow for the deaths of stroke victims.

Apowell232 commented July 23, 2016

A

Apowell232

Great Lakes

Whites and other non-blacks can also be the victims of unjustified police shootings, but their lives are treated as meaningless by everyone but their own families and friends:

http://www.npr.org/2014/12/13/370592433/in-wisconsin-a-decade-old-police...

Tyler commented July 23, 2016

T

Tyler

SC

I am capable of empathy. To suggest otherwise is racism of a high order.

Andrew Nielsen commented July 23, 2016

A

Andrew Nielsen

Australia

If the black community is a community like other communities are not, then it will be able to reverse the situation by showing the rest of the US that its collective life is more boring, middle-class, stable and peaceful than than the life of the rest of the US. Fair? Not really. Good luck.

Erica Woods commented July 23, 2016

E

Erica Woods

Raleigh, NC

I usually participate in the comments section for racial essays like this one. I talk back to narrowed minded readers who say how Blacks need to stop being so silly and thin skinned. How we're all Americans and racism isn't really as big a deal as we're making it. There will inevitably be a discussion of Michael Brown and how he probably deserved what he got. How we're all part of the human race, how white privilege doesn't exist, or how American blacks are just whiny. There will be the moralist who will denounce the author for thinking people are callous and remind us how we're all part of the human race. And there will be others who will give diatribes about how good the author has it and get personal or relate this somehow to why you should vote for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

Y'all have at it.

You won't say anything different or new. You won't read the essay in full before you react, write and spew. And your compassion will be almost non-existent. I'm tired of giving my energy to people who won't listen, just because it's inconvenient or uncomfortable. People are dying in places you'd never drive your car through and for some reason you think you know them and can speak not to them, but for them. Pitiful.

New York Times' readers are supposed to be progressive, civil, and open minded. You'd never know it from reading the comments.

Margaret Diehl commented July 23, 2016

M

Margaret Diehl

NYC

I grieve with you and wish there were more hope that things will change. They will, eventually, but between now and then I fear many good men and women will die because of ingrained racial fear, racial blinkers and guns, always guns, making it all happen so quickly. I believe that the lynchings of the past were more deliberate and malicious than the deaths today by police officers. But how can that matter to the families? To the friends, to those who fear that their own will die? It's a terrible fear and no, whites can't understand it. I remember my fear as a young woman of lonely streets at night, of men (of whatever color), but that was long ago and only in certain situations. It's not the same as any ordinary day driving to work or home or walking down the streets. Just as we can't know what the veterans back from Iraq or Afghanistan (or Vietnam) know, whites can't possibly imagine what black people live with in this country. That's a small enough thing to admit. That it should be so hard for so many to admit it is a disgrace.

AC commented July 23, 2016

A

AC

Berkeley, CA

If I understand correctly, the argument here is "White people do not share the collective trauma and fear that black people do, so white people can't ever really empathize with black people."

How boring. What truth is here is as obvious as it is overplayed as it is divisive. We get it, black people feel devalued and face all manner of violence we don't.

But something much uglier is hiding in claims like "white people can't share our grief." It is the fundamental trope that underlies so many awful, divisive movements: They are not like Us. They can not feel what We feel. Real blood flows through Our veins, real emotion through Our hearts. Our people see things as they are—They do not and can not and will not and will always hurt Us.

Many of us liberal white people, as much as we oppose mass incarceration, deplore police brutality, even support reparations, sense intuitively that as much as we want it to be, Black Lives Matter is not just, as the writer suggests, "a protest movement that [seeks] only value for black lives." It is the introduction of a new racial essentialism that says that we can never fix this, and that the best we can shoot for is a world in which blacks resent whites and whites feel guilty.

Well, that is sort of the world we have now, so maybe that's realistic. But I still hold out hope we can do better.

1 REPLY

T. Davis commented July 25, 2016

T

T. Davis

North Carolina

It's one thing to tell someone to "move on" regarding historical events. It's something quite different to say the same thing while their group is still being targeted.

Reader commented July 23, 2016

R

Reader

Westchester, NY

You're right, I don't get it. I say this with complete humility in the hope that you can explain it to me.

I get why black people, especially men, are afraid of being judged unfairly by the police. What I don't get is this amazing connection that black people have for other black people they don't even know, and regardless of what that person may be like.

Whenever there is a school shooting, and a teacher gives his/her life to save students, I, a teacher, am saddened. But for none of them did

I feel a despair so profound I had to take off work. I admire them but I don't know them.

I read of a black person who felt a "real connection" with her great-great-great-great grandfather. We all have 32 great-great-great-great grandfathers and I don't feel a connection to any of mine. I would guess that all 32 were poor, illiterate, and lived hard lives somewhere in Europe. But I don't feel connected to them.

I don't get why Black people seemed so quick to link together Trayvon Martin and Mike Brown. To me, the young men, their behavior in a store, their circumstances during the shooting. and their shooters were vastly different. I am most surprised that both blacks AND whites were quick to accept that Zimmerman was a "neighborhood watch leader" despite there being no evidence that indeed he was. It seemed both groups were just happy it fit their narrative.

I do see blacks as individuals, not a monolith.

I hope you see me as an individual.

Isn't that how it should be?

2 REPLIES

Dave commented July 24, 2016

D

Dave

Westwood

"Reader" ... Much of American white culture tends toward highly individualistic. "I" matters, "we" are not well connected. Much of Black culture in America is more towards the collectivist bent (although not as far as many non-American collectivist cultures). Collectivist cultures emphasize "we" over "I." There are many reasons for these differences ... some historic, some sociological. Neither is innately right of wrong (nor universally true among either whites or blacks) ... just different approaches ... but the differences do affect how we interact with and believe about others in society.

Reader commented July 24, 2016

R

Reader

Westchester, NY

So there is a cultural difference. I don't understand it on a visceral level, but I do understand what you are saying on an intllecual level. Thank you Dave for answering my question and taking it seriously.

Peter S. commented July 23, 2016

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Peter S.

Chicago

All true, and real. But don't imagine yourself as the only people who feels or who has felt this kind of collective pain and horror.

Miss Ley commented July 23, 2016

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Miss Ley

New York

A small group of international book lovers online, one of us said out-of-the blue 'I wish that I was a Black woman'. Having crashed the above party unwittingly, a newcomer, as one person to another, as one woman to another, I may have gingerly asked why.

If the same person on the other side of the rainbow had stated the wish to be a White woman, we might have understood better that life is going to be easier, and even safer when one is a Caucasian in America.

The 'video watching' was over for me when I first saw an adolescent girl at a swimming pool party, being manhandled by a white police officer. The second was the girl at school on the phone thrown off her chair by a cop, while the teachers watched on.

I do not grieve. I am angry with the excuses and there are no satisfactory explanations to my mind that justify these acts of power-abusers. An African friend and I were discussing the topic of violence the other night. Her feeling is that pushed to the extreme and provoked, one is going to retaliate. It is true that we cannot sit around like lame ducks, and she was shocked when I told her of the Kent tragedy and the National Guard.

Earlier an elderly British friend in France was in disbelief when I told her that the Ku Klux Klan still existed, and so am I. Alton Sterling is a symbol of an open human face being kicked over and over again by a heavy boot. Fascism is on the rise in America. It can be crushed. A reporter, your eyes are needed.

M commented July 23, 2016

M

M

VA

Please know that while no one can walk in your shoes, African Americans are not alone in their pain at these murders. Your words about growing up with hushed references to lynchings resonated more profoundly than I'd have ever expected, because that was what it was like for me growing up Jewish (in a community where we were the only Jewish family). I was never immersed in Holocaust education, but I saw a few videos of the emaciated bodies and understood enough to know the world tried to kill all people like me. Now I work in an anti-poverty role in a black community and I feel rage everyday because these children's life chances are determined by their zip codes, as Obama has said. I look at a 4-year-old I love -- who should be able to have any future he wants -- but he was born to two teens in foster care, father now in jail (as his own father was), mother homeless. I feel rage toward my white friends, who buy their kids too many Christmas presents and worry about genetically modified food instead of about their fellow human beings -- who live 25 minutes away -- who have so little reason to hope, almost no way out. Who can't take good schools and safe streets for granted. Who judge the people I work with without the slightest understanding of their own privilege and what it means not to have that. I work with so many men like Charles Kinsey. And the police shot him.

afd commented July 23, 2016

A

afd

seoul

I think many white folks can't understand how a group like BLM can focus so exclusively on white police officers killing blacks yet ignore the epidemic of black-on-black murder. One would think the so-called Ferguson Effect might clue the BLM on investigating root causes that include something beyond a white man with a badge. This is not to deny abuse of police authority but to broaden one's concern to include the grief and fear of those killed by the lawless. A complaint that is literally only skin deep will never find consensus, let alone resolution.

1 REPLY

Pharsalian commented July 25, 2016

P

Pharsalian

undefined

"never find consensus, let alone resolution" - particularly given that many more whites die at the hands of police than blacks but those deaths get no media coverage. Why is there no outcry over that? You could read the Times forever and never know that (and indeed I think many do). The constant complaints of racial grievance over law enforcement without evidence that race is involved (Who needs evidence when you already know what you know?) means the underlying problem of bad policing gets lost in the politics of race - and in worst cases leads to murder of police by blacks inflamed by biased media coverage (I'm talking about you Times).

this guy commented July 23, 2016

T

this guy

Everywhere

White people believing that this is not their loss to grieve is a large part of the problem, and why it has proven so difficult to fix. Dallas was "retaliation" for St. Paul and Baton Rouge only in the mind of the deranged killer. Otherwise, one has nothing to do with the others. That "blue lives" should be held to a higher standard of accountability and decency was true before Dallas and remains so as long as they continue to get away with murder.

Matthew C commented July 23, 2016

M

Matthew C

Connecticut

While we don't feel the same grief from these terrible crimes I think we can feel the same moral outrage. This is wrong. The killing of our citizens by the police is wrong. I am an American and I refuse to accept this situation. It must change.

steph commented July 23, 2016

S

steph

nyc

police shoot more white people than black in this country so it's not as abstract as you imagine

Squirmish commented July 23, 2016

S

Squirmish

Concord, NH

My grief may not be the same as yours, but I grieve terribly for what is happening and has always happened. I may be white, but I believe racism is a cancer in the body of this country. When I first heard "Black Lives Matter," I heard it with the emphasis on "matter" -- to which the response "All lives matter" is just a non-sequitur. I also did not want to get out of bed. I also feel like before I can catch my breath from one incident of racist brutality, I am hit in the chest by another. These things make me cry, too -- and fill me with anger. I don't have words to express how I would feel if my partner were shot by the police for a traffic offense, in front of my child; or if my child were killed for being the wrong color; or if my parent were demeaned in front of me for that same reason -- but I can imagine it. This is a harsh and scary world -- many many people are angry, self-righteous, judgmental, without compassion or empathy, immature, tribal and violent. But you can't rely on race or color to tell you who has basic humanity and who lacks it.

PatriciaD commented July 23, 2016

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PatriciaD

Vidalia, GA

A wonderful piece. I'm a white northerner transplanted to the south. There are things whites will never understand because they have not spent their lives living them. There are limits to the most empathic person's empathy.

Emily commented July 23, 2016

E

Emily

Portland

The other commentator has also expressed what I have to say: some white people have black families, too, and it is our loved ones that we imagine when we see and hear about the black victims of violence, and we are full of anxiety for them as well as grief for the victims themselves. There is a terrible divide between black and white in our country, but love can bridge it.

Edmund Cramp commented July 23, 2016

E

Edmund Cramp

Baton Rouge, LA

I think that a significant factor in much of the recent violence is America's unwillingness to deal with the aftereffects of war on our Veterans. Veterans with severe PTSD have great difficulty reentering society but have no problems buying guns, meanwhile we arm the police with military grade equipment. This appears to be a recipe for violence.

Noah commented July 23, 2016

N

Noah

Tennessee

I'm sorry but I did not enjoy this article. I have never been in a wheelchair or in the military, but can certainly empathize with the handicapped and veterans.

J commented July 23, 2016

J

J

LA

It is a real mistake to think that white people do not grieve over lives taken at the hands of the police. I am white, but every life taken without justification is a threat to my freedom, too. It's not just somebody else's problem.

TheJadedCynic commented July 23, 2016

T

TheJadedCynic

Work

My eyes misted as I read this, because Ms.Hannah-Jones finally found some of the words to express the sense of repetitive and looming grief among Black people at this time. As an older person, I can recall worse times, and certainly more blatantly racist policing. And yet, even after electing a Black President TWICE, Black people still are not afforded the basic equality of a benefit of the doubt that an individual can be both Black and a good citizen. When we interact with the police, there is always the threat that a simple mistake or misunderstanding can have deadly consequences. And thanks to social media, we are conditioned to await the next police outrage; which inevitable as rain soon appears.

Marie commented July 23, 2016

M

Marie

Fort Bragg

Thanks for a very eloquent essay. Your essay helps me to understand even more about the horrible tragedy and legacy that is institutional racism. These images, movies or people being killed has changed our understanding for ever of the risk of being black in America and the utter failure of many police departments to deal dispationately with their racist or simply gun-happy collegues. As a gay person, who has lived for half a century with the fear of being attacked for holding my partners hand in public, i feel you. Thanks

KS commented July 23, 2016

K

KS

Cambridge

I feel for the author, but can't help but notice the bizarre sollipsism of it's premise. Black people are not the only ones with a history of tragedy. Jews, Irish, and many other ethnicities that are white have suffered as well. Even if we can't understand what it's like to be "black" we can, generally understand what it's like to suffer.

Either way - what exactly is the point of this article? I can empathize with the author's pain, and agree that it's probably especially painful if you're black, but the author really doesn't have nearly as much insight into "white people" as they think.

1 REPLY

A commented July 24, 2016

A

A

NY

Every ethnicity has a history of violence toward and against. Everyone's ancestors were at one point slaves, victims of genocide etc. all of these things were all too common for tens of thousands of years of human history. The solution is to move past these things and the racism and tribalism that caused them. This sort of article is a regression.

William Case commented July 23, 2016

W

William Case

Texas

• The Washington Post database shows police so far this year have shot 246 whites, 131 blacks and 80 Hispanics. The author’s assertion that whites can’t share the fear and grief is calloused, insensitive, racist and inflammatory.

• Police officers are no more likely to shoot blacks than whites. The most recent study (“An Empirical Analysis of Racial Differences in Police Use of Force”) recently cited by the New York Times found no racial bias in officer-involved shootings. The Black Lives Matter mantra is based on irrelevant data and false perceptions.

• Most interracial violence is black-on-white violence, not white-on-black violence. The FBI Uniform Crime Report (Expanded Homicide Data Table 6) shows 446 blacks murdered whites while 187 whites (including Hispanics) murdered blacks in 2014, the most recent year for which data is complete.

Padraig Murchadha commented July 23, 2016

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Padraig Murchadha

Lionville, Pennsylvania

Handwringing and tears will change nothing. Writing like this will. Words have efficacy. John Stengstacke knew it. MLK knew it. Obama knows it.

Marilyn Wise commented July 23, 2016

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Marilyn Wise

Los Angeles

The grief can be shared, but it takes a lot of experience and education, and the escape from denial, for the white people. It is too easy to distance yourself and believe "it could never happen to me." Unfortunately, it could, it just isn't as likely.

S commented July 23, 2016

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S

MI

Yeah, what a sad, sad sobstory. I can't help but think that the author cries herself to sleep every single night at the thought of all those cold-blooded black-on-black homicides and gang shootings that statistically take several orders of magnitude more lives than police shootings, DAILY.

Wait, what's that? "Black lives matter, but only when it's white cops using lethal force in a questionable situation and when they can be used to play the victim card in leverage for a political agenda"? Wow, that makes a lot more sense.

Furrawn commented July 23, 2016

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Furrawn

PA

Alton Sterling was a convicted pedophile. I'm an incest survivor. I know from firsthand experience how horrible it is to be victimized as a child. I think you should perhaps choose a different role model to lose sleep over. ANY unfair death is unwarranted and tragic. However, all this clamor over a child molester of ANY color (white, black, or purple with blue polka dots) is crazy.

There can be bad cops the same as there bad people in any walk of life. Realize that most cops are heros who risk their lives daily for all of us.

Chris Rucker commented July 23, 2016

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Chris Rucker

Walden, NY

Dialogue is of obvious and vital importance, but at some point in time a call to action on all sides is necessary to preclude violence.

Christina B. commented July 23, 2016

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Christina B.

Iowa

Thank you for this powerful and stunningly written essay. As a white woman, I indeed cannot claim to grasp the visceral fears and everyday injustices black people face and have faced for generations. But I want to say that even though there is no way for me feel it on the same innate level as you do, dear writer, I see what is happening, I hear you, I empathize, and I am devastated and outraged. It sickens me to see what is going on, and while none of it is new, people are now finally being forced to witness and confront it.

But when will things actually change? What will it take? I don’t have the answer. Like many others, I feel helpless watching it happen over and over. And if it is exhausting and disheartening to me, I imagine it is bone-crushing to you. So I thank you for sharing your experience. It is not your duty to explain these things to white people like me, or educate us on what to do, but articles like yours go a long way in helping us understand another perspective. It is essential that we inform ourselves, be mindful of the things we take for granted (i.e., acknowledge our privilege), be willing to having potentially uncomfortable conversations about race, and be able to explain without hesitation to those who remain ignorant why, for god’s sake, black lives matter.

Note to comment moderators: Up the character limit, please. I had to cut half of what I had originally written. Complex issues deserve space for thoughtful responses.

Tanksleyd commented July 23, 2016

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Tanksleyd

Philadelphia

The least of lives

Have never mattered

In America and the world

Larry commented July 23, 2016

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Larry

Michigan

I wish President Obama would read this article and for once do something for people of color. He only praises the police, which means he is not only praising the police who do no harm, but those racist police who are hidden among them.

1 REPLY

JA commented July 25, 2016

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JA

MI

And do you know what the police say? They say Obama only cares about the black shooting victims and encourages police shootings. This circular blame game has to stop- black lives matter but it undermines the cause when police are targeted. Neither side is doing themselves any favors.

SKM commented July 23, 2016

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SKM

geneseo

Well written and poignant, but this is the type of melodrama that helps obsessives like the Baton Rouge shooter go off the deep end. Enough already.

Juvenal451 commented July 23, 2016

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Juvenal451

USA

Whether the deceased reminded you of your uncle or seemed like really nice guys, neither video settles the question whether the actions of the police were reasonable under the circumstances. In the first, the officer shouts that Sterling has a gun, but the video doesn't show whether he did and whether he was "going for" any gun. The second video doesn't start until after the shooting takes place.

Both videos are upsetting; both raise questions as to the propriety of police response; but neither settles those questions.

Jack commented July 23, 2016

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Jack

ABQ NM

I agree with the writer's sentiments:they are hers, and the grief is one uniquely shared by most in the black community. It is an undeniable heartbreak and fear that effects blacks because of the color of their skin.

But I remain unconvinced and unhappy with the repeated notion that this is a rupture that cannot be fixed, that times are worse now than previously (white nationalist support of Trump aside). Yes, whites have the privileged position outside the fence, blacks are inside it. But most of us are capable of empathy, of placing ourselves in black shoes, and being angry, sad, upset, and galvanized to act. We want to break down the fence.

The day of Alton Sterling's murder, I made a donation to Black Lives Matter--the only game in town, to my thinking. When I woke up to the news of Philando Castile's murder, I became intensely angry, I was confused, I felt the world pulled out from under me. How could this happen, why was it still happening? Another donation to BLM, and I attended a demonstration that night. My first thought about the Dallas shootings? an agent provocateur.

Institutionalized racism must be rooted out. But also, police must be held accountable. Yesterday I sent condolences to a friend whose son was killed by police last year in Georgia, after his birthday party, on his own property. He was white.

Talking of permanent ruptures is irresponsible plays into the hands of popular demagogues gaining ascendancy in the land.

Jamie commented July 23, 2016

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Jamie

New York

This is a question that goes to the root of philosophy, which is the debate between a priori and posteri knowledge, or knowledge with or without experience. This essay precludes there is no and can't be any knowledge (or empathy) outside of personal (or race branded) experience, which may be true (if you don't believe in common humanity), but how is there any room for empathy in that kind of world? That's a very scary, nihilistic place...with no hope. Can't one feel horrified by another humans pain even if they don't carry the same superficial societal brand? Oh I forgot, I am a white robot, programmed to think as an "individual" which is my brand. Branding! At the core of everything, telling us how to think.

Perhaps this is why Jesus core principle "do onto others..." is as alien in the modern world of branding as anything...

1 REPLY

William commented July 24, 2016

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William

Westchester

'Do unto others' has come down through history through numerous channels; it is an appealing notion that I suspect the vast majority honor. Having been assaulted a number of times, I realize why the world remains an arena of suffering. I suggest we do unto others as we would have them do unto us, but that we maintain reasonable borders as well, and learn to respect each other's territory. By all means, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Perhaps finding common territory, for example as early Christians did sharing common meals, could be expanded skillfully. There is most likely a lot of good work being done in this direction. The Times has lately made the editorial decision to apportion coverage most heavily to voices of rage, however unbalanced the expression might be.

Steve in Michigan commented July 23, 2016

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Steve in Michigan

I just read this, working out alone in my building's fitness center, while resting between sets. Couldn't put it down, ignoring the stop watch demanding more punishment. Maybe it was the endorphins, but I (a 60-ish white male) choked up and walked upstairs to my condo, done for the day. I've been at sea the past year or so, saddened by the brutality, deafened by the polarized shouting, no idea where we're headed but sure this will all keep happening until people like me can accept the truth in articles like this.

Marilyn commented July 23, 2016

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Marilyn

Michigan

Yes, there is something different now. I had shielded myself from the news for a couple of years. Quit cable tv..all tv. Didn't follow news anywhere. Shunned Facebook friends who talked politics. Concentrated on my photography and the natural world. Trying to have some peace in my last years. But for some reason I saw that video. Him lying across the seat. His mouth slightly working as if to try to speak and yes, her courage and knowing what she had to do. That pistol in the window. That brought me out of my secret comfortable place. I had to tell people how wrong it was. I had to let them know we don't know how it is to see lights flashing in the rear window because we are white. Of course almost no one responded. But that did not matter. I broke my silence and felt relief. I keep his photo on my phone. I won't take it off. He is a symbol to me that I can speak up again and say " this is wrong!!" May Philando rest in peace not forgotten. We are all diminished by his death and so many others as well.

CC commented July 23, 2016

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CC

North Pole, NY

As long as people say "X can never understand Y" then X & Y will never allow themselves to truly find common ground and move forward. This article does nothing but keep the wedge in the rift. Can X help Y understand X? Can Y help X understand Y? I swear, the world might be a better place if we had numbers instead of names and were all blind.

Elaine Supkis commented July 23, 2016

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Elaine Supkis

Berlin, NY

And the main reason why so many police die when interacting with black people is...often blacks resist arrest even after seemingly surrendering so cops are very hair trigger due to this.

Ed The Rabbit commented July 23, 2016

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Ed The Rabbit

Baltimore, MD

This illustration is going to give epileptics seizures.

Ann commented July 23, 2016

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Ann

California

This is the kind of message I believe (as a 60ish white woman) that we all need to hear -- we as a nation need to have regular conversations that will start to close the "vast gulf" that makes some of us arrogantly imagine we are different and separate and protected, because of our differences. Our human community is at risk and there's no room for ignorance that paints this as a problem of the "other". The police and a justice system that continually fails black lives and minorities needs to be brought into the conversation and rigorously held to account. The problem of systematic racism is one we all must own and all must address. We must get real and honest. Hold the conversations and hear the pain, mourn, make amends, and work for safer communities now.

AJ commented July 22, 2016

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AJ

Midwest

Of course Blacks will have a very personal reaction. But don't forget that many White people in this country have Black relatives. Children

, grandchildren, nephews and cousins that they live and worry about. We may not understand everything. But we do understand amd do grieve.

9 REPLIES

Nikole Hannah-Jones commented July 23, 2016

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Nikole Hannah-Jones

Yes, this is true. Thank you for your comment.

EJ commented July 23, 2016

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EJ

CA

Agree, and while never the same, it is hard for many of us to get our heads around people who simple do not understand this disparate treatment. Our hearts ache also.

NYHUGUENOT commented July 23, 2016

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NYHUGUENOT

Charlotte, NC

You need to watch the rest of the video. Mr. Sterling had thrown off the policeman and was reaching into his pocket. The officer shooting is about five feet away lying on his back and reaching over his head with it twisted to be able to see Sterling. The media would like you to believe Sterling was shot at point blank range leaving burn marks on cloth and skin. The autopsy will reveal that.

This is another example of the way the media manipulates the dialog around a situation. Another notable example is only showing the sweet cherubic face of 12 year old Trayvon Martin not the grown up Martin with the mustache.